Nine tidbits of advice Arod gave Jesus in Scranton

1. Avoid dating rock stars over 50.

2. Toby McGuire scratches his left ear when bluffing.

3. If lost inside Jeter's house, just keep taking right-hand turns.

4. When fighting Jason Varitek, remember that he won't take off his mask.

5. In times of great desperation, yell "Ha!"

6. Don't read Jean-Paul Sarte before games.

7. Try not to smile when Youkilis gets beaned.

8. In photo shoots, don't pose in front of a mirror.

9. No matter what you do, expect to be crucified.