On a night we lose to Oakland, we gain Gerald Butler

I'm not sure what this means. Nobody is. But last night hurts too much to recap. Hell, a 15-0 blowout would taste sweeter today. So let's find good news.

Here's a morsel: Gerald Butler, the buffy star of "300," the man tits movie, and a former pit stop on the Jennifer Annison "take that Brad!" wine-and-pizza Hollywood fur trail, is now sporting the sacred skullgear. Considering that he's Scottish and has a head the size of a lobster, it's possible Butler thinks NY means the Westminster Kennel Club.

Oh well. In the IT IS HIGH campaign to defrock Drew Barrymore - the First Lady of the anti-Yankee hate movie "Fever Pitch" - we may have yet another celebrity Cialis bullet in our chamber. Welcome to the team, Scottie. We'll beam you up.

What was Swish doing, swinging on 2-0? Does anyone NOT believe he could have outlasted that rapidly dissassembling A's save queen in a long, 8-pitch at bat? It was that homer he hit in the 8th. Get homer happy, and you forget where you're from.

Besides, the pitch looked a tad high. In some alternative universe, the count is 3-0, the crowd is standing, the pitcher is freaked, Bob Melvin is doing Bachmann eyes, and Swish is looking into the dugout, searching Joe the Plumber for a sign. Take, Swish, take...

Dammit. A thousand Persian arrows today blot out our sun. We're gonna have to fight in the shade.