Barefoot, pennyless MLB billionaires declare socialist class war on Yankees

There's no more wild-eyed, socialist revolutionary in this world than a billionaire sports team owner who is being outspent by the opposition. On every national political issue, he fights taxes and programs that remotely sound like a redistribution of wealth. But on the matter of the game, he becomes the oppressed 99 percent. And he pretends to be just a millionaire, so the rest of us will feel sorry for him.

Frankly, the problem with America is asshole billionaires who want to run the country rather than baseball clubs, which is what the Founding Fathers originally wanted them to do. (George Steinbrenner, after being caught funneling slush to Dick Nixon, finally got that one right.)

The MLB owners have passed a new labor agreement full of fine print designed to tax the beetle juice out of any team that spends hard to win, and comforts those poormouthing owners who salary-dump homegrown stars rather than pay them - in their brief window of career earnings - what they're worth. How will they do this? By levying luxury taxes.

How much do you want to bet that every fricking rat-owner in the MLB cartell is pumping money into the GOP like pressurized acid into underground shale deposits... simply to avoid higher taxes in the next administration? But when it comes to their own little backyard, suddenly, capitalism is a bad thing. In the back corridors of baseball, they lock arms together and face the pepper spray - fighting The Power.

Go ahead, everybody: Cry for the poor, poverty-stricken Kansas City Royals - owned by the head of Walmart, the world's biggest corporation. Squeeze out some tears for sad old Pittsburgh - home to the Mellon family's right wing, gold-crapping, gazillionaire fatties - because they can't put together two thin dimes to pay their players. It's all crap. You'll never see that animated shitpile, Grover Norquist, demanding that MLB owners hold the line on taxes.

So they're stuffing it to the Yankees. Oh, well, we'll just have to do what billionaires always do - cheat, legally. Laws don't matter, if you're willing to spend money. Just pay a lawyer to opine, and it goes to court.

The only question is whether the Steinbrothers want to win as much as their dad did - or for that matter, as much as those crazy, oil-brained Texans seem to want it. Because you know how radical those Marxists are in Texas -- especially now that they're part of the Fox Network.