Fricked over: The Hall of "Fame" for broadcasters snubs John again

Here's a cheese curd of outrage: The wig-topped, cadaver-faced harumphs who market baseball's historical legacy - much in the way that Merck markets cervical cancer - have named the 10 "most beloved and honored" finalists for this year's Baseball Hall of Fame broadcaster's wing in Cooperstown.

First-off, Cooperstown needed a broadcaster's wing as much as Abu Ghraib prison needed a rehabilitation course in cake decorating. Why not a wing for hotdog vendors? Or players wives. Or fans. (We killed Gadaffi, right? We are the 99 percent!) Because for the most part, this isn't the Hall of Fame. It's the Hall of Obscurity.

The 10 voices for the 2012 fricking Frick Award are - hold your nose, this list is NSFW: Skip Caray, Rene Cardenas, Tom Cheek, Ken Coleman (Redsock), Jacques Doucet, Bill King, Tim McCarver, Graham McNamee, Eric Nadel and Mike Shannon.

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Now... I know what you're thinking: Wow! Bill King! And Jacques Doucet! Could Bob Gamere be next? How can I buy tickets to the 2012 induction banquet? 

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Listen: Whoever these people are, I'm sure they're nice human beings. I bet they raised fine kids, never took drugs, and give out cookies every December to all their co-workers; I bet their silky velvet, perfectly-modulated voices inhabit the kinky dreamworld fantasies of dwarfs and Expos fans everywhere. (I'm figuring Jacques is an Expos announcer; investigative journalism, at your service!) But c'mon: Skip Caray? And who the frick has ever heard of the rest? This is supposed to be the Hall of Fame. FAME. Get it? Oh, and wait a minute: Somebody's claiming that Tim McCarver is "beloved?" St. Louis fans even hate McCarver! Mull that over for a moment. If St. Louis hates McCarver, who - excluding the Taliban and that nutjob preacher in Florida who always wants to burn the Koran - likes the guy?

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Listen: We know the real deal. John Sterling will never get into Cooperstown without an admission ticket and a plastic mustache. Why? Because - love him or hate him - he's too fricking famous. The nobodies and pariahs need to be honored in baseball's Hall of Fame.

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Listen: It's the same with Curtis Granderson and the MVP award. He won't win, because everyone knows that the Yankees always win! Brett Gardner, a Gold Glove? Forget it. His defense was only appreciated because he's on the Yankees, so let's ignore him. Everybody knows: the Yankees win too many awards. Which is why it's always important to deny them awards.
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Eric fricking Nadel... whoever you are... congrats!