Yankeetorial: Buehrle, Wilson, Oswalt or Jackson? This winter, it's not the pitcher than matters, it's the timing of the deal

Remember last winter's ultimate treachery? While we were waiting on Cliff Lee's wife, Lulu-bell, to select her Philadelphia cheesesteak, the Redsocks eloped with our backup free agent jewel, the great Carl Crawford. They spent the next three months celebrating the 2011 World Championship.

Like all sexual acts, the pleasure was all in the timing.

This winter, why bother to dwell on the differences between Mark Buerhle, CJ Wilson, Roy Oswalt or Edwin Jackson -- the four top free agents on our list. If we get the best of them - say - Wilson, we sign a post-season bum riding a career season, looking for his lifetime payout and a five-year commitment. If it's the worst - say - Oswalt, we get a former post-season hero on his last legs, or elbow, probably for one year with an option. Every pitcher comes with a different price, past and commitment. Who is best? Who knows? God.

I'm sorry, River Ave and Lohud. Look at all four, and tell me who will succeed in NYC? Pour yourself into the stats and scouting reports. Knock yourself out. BTW, what did the stats and scouting reports say last year about Bartolo Colon and Freddy Garcia?

It's a crapshoot. What matters is the timing. And here's where Cashman must be devious.

The first pitcher to sign will probably get the best deal. A couple teams will commit, a bidding war will begin, and somebody will pay way too much. That's how it happens.

The next guy will get far less, and the third guy will get totally screwed. He'll panic, and he'll sign for a bucket of fried chicken, because he fears having to pitch for Kansas City.

That's our guy.

The fourth guy will cash out, because there's nobody left on the table, and teams don't want to go into the blind bidding war for Yu Darvish without having at least something in their backpack.

Imagine if the Yankees and Texas Rangers pass on all four pitchers, with the Yu Darvish process just beginning. Both teams would have all this unspent money lying around, with the fanbases demanding a big ticket item. God, they'll overpay for Darvish - and it'll be a fiasco.

The key is snagging that second or third signing. It doesn't matter who. All that matters is the timing. Just like sex.