10 things to do in Dallas if you're Brian Cashman

1. Avoid bumping into Roger Clemens.

2. Go to that grassy knoll and use your Yankee ingenuity to search for evidence of the second gunman.

3. Audition Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders who might want to join the famous Yankee Cowgirl cheerleading squad.

4. Rail to passersby about how Obama has ruined all of George W. Bush's peace and prosperity for America.

5. When seeing a Rangers official, collapse to the ground and pretend to be choking.

6. Jokingly tell people on the street, "Gee, I hope it doesn't rain!"

7. Sneak into Mexico and behead a few gringos.

8. Tell everybody how much you loved "Friday Night Lights."

9. Leave your hotel room by rappelling down the building.

10. Sign Yu Darvish.