Asleep at the Wheel: Transcript of actual Pat Sajak and Vanna White drunken show

Game showhost Pat Sajak has told ESPN 2 that he and Vanna White occasionally taped episodesof “Wheel of Fortune” while drunk.“Vanna and I would go across and have two or three or six (drinks). Then come and do the last shows and have trouble recognizing the alphabet."
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At considerable expense, IT IS HIGH has found lost footage of just such an event. We offer it with the warning that some of the material is "blue" and should not be shared with younger readers..

ANNOUNCER: AND NOW… LADIES AND GENTLEMEN… PAT SAJAK AND VANNA WHITE! (Applause.) And now… PAT SAJAK AND VANNA WHITE! (Applause.) Hey... Pat Sajak and Vanna White. (Applause.)

HOST: HOOO-KAYYY! Thankyoo-thankyoo-thankyoo… Owww! Who stuck that divider there? Aah, juss kidding efferbody. No problemo. VANNA WHITE, EVERYBODY! (Applause.) VANNA WHITE!

 

OK, less play Wheel of Fortune! (Applause.)

No, first, less meet our contestants. OK, who are you? Wait. I got it written down, it's in my pocket, no, here it is, RIGHT IN FRONT'VE ME. You’re John Martin, from Green Bay, Wisconsin. HOME OF VINCE LOMBARDI, RIGHT? So, uhhhm, Johnny, do you think it's right for the socialist, anti-capitalist Obama adminstration to steal from working Americans? DO YOU THINK THAT'S RIGHT? What? DON'T ANSWER THAT! Do you ever see Vince Lombardi?

CONTESTANT: No, Pat. Coach Lombardi passed away years ago. As a child, I met him once. In fact, he gave me some advice I'll never forget...

HOST: Uh-huh. Thash great. And here’s our other contestant… from, let’s see… Scrandon, Pennsyltucky! And my, my, my, what do we have here? Mm-mm, good. My goodness, you are Mindy Weaver, right? How did you fit into that sweater? Wait a minute, let me guess: 39D? So where are you from, sweetheart?

CONTESTANT: Scranton, Pennsylvania.

HOST: That’s a beautiful name for a beautiful town that has beautiful ladies. You look nervous. My God, your hands are ice. Here, does that feel better? So… you’re staying the week? Do you like boats?

What? OK, yeah, the rules! Let’s do the rules! All answers must be in the form of a question. That’s a joke! Lighten up. The rules are you pick a letter from the alphabet… for example, T… as in… “TALE OF TWO CITIES!”

 

Uh-oh. I just gave the answer. Lays and gennelmen, I blew it. The answer is “Tale of Two Cities.” I am sorry. I have never done that before. Vanna, turn over the cards.

 

What? Lays and gentlemen, I’m told that Vanna White is a bit under the weather... and hopefully over a pail. Should we take a break? No? Keep going? OK, where were we?

 

I wanna apologize. (Applause.) Awww… you people… What a great studio audience! Give yourself a hand! (Applause.) Unbelievable! When I look out, and I see all you… and it’s…  you guys… you’re fucking incredible! I love you fucking people. You hear me? I don't give a shit about saying it: I fucking love you people! (Applause.) What? VANNA WHITE IS BACK! VANNA WHITE, EVERYBODY! (Applause.)

We’ll be back after this message. I gotta hit the can. VANNA FUCKING WHITE, EVERYBODY!