ALPHONSO: I am tired. We've been here six years. He must be coming soon. Surely, he is coming soon.
GIRARDI: I have news for you, and I think you should sit down before hearing it.
ALPHONSO: He is coming? Great news! What will he look like? What will his numbers be? Our wait is over?
GIRARDI: I think you need to take some deep breaths. There has been a slight change.
ALPHONSO: A slight change?
GIRARDI: Jesus is not coming. Jesus has been dealt.
ALPHONSO: Not coming.
GIRARDI: Jesus has been dealt.
ALPHONSO: So we have waited for naught?
GIRARDI: Of course not. Not for naught.
ALPHONSO: If not naught, what?
GIRARDI: Pineda. We have Pineda.
ALPHONSO: So we are waiting for Pineda?
GIRARDI: No, Pineda came. He was great for a month, and then - well - he slumped.
ALPHONSO: I don't recall him coming.
GIRARDI: Well, he didn't come unto us, but he came. And he'll be back, though.
ALPHONSO: So, we're waiting for him to return?
GIRARDI: No, we're now waiting for Sanchez.
ALPHONSO: Sanchez. Who is Sanchez?
GIRARDI: The one we are now waiting for. Gary Sanchez. Low minors. Better than Jesus. He will come. I am sure.
ALPHONSO: Jesus... isn't coming?
GIRARDI: Jesus is gone. Don't think about him. Think about Gary Sanchez.
ALPHONSO: I am tired.
GIRARDI: We're all tired. But it will be worth it. Gary Sanchez. We must wait.
ALPHONSO: Yes, we must wait. That is what we do. We must wait.
GIRARDI: Surely, he will come.
ALPHONSO: Yes, I'm sure he will come! Gary Sanchez! I wonder what he will he look like? What will his numbers be? Any day now, our wait will be over. I can feel it.
This sounds like the dialogue between O'Brien and Winston in 1984. Did Giradi tortue you, Alphonso?
ReplyDelete"Jesus was traded. He was always traded."~Giradi
"But that's impossible! I saw him play in the minors! I read his minor league updates in the New York Post! I watched him dominate in September!"~Alphonso
"You are mistaken, Alphonso. You believe you saw Jesus play for the Yankees because you are insane. You must try harder to become sane. It is not easy to become sane. *Electrocutes Alphonso.* Now...what do you see in the near future for the Yankees?"~Joe Giradi
"I...see..Michael Pineda...pitching a no-hitter against the Red Sox. I see Gary Sanchez coming up and winning a batting title and gold glove as a rookie...I see...Jesus Montero as a Mariner...He was....always a Mariner..."~ Alphonso.
"Good. Good, Alphonso."~Giradi
"Is it almost over? *Alphonso cries*"~Alphonso
"It's hard to tell, Alphonso. But everyone is cured eventually. In the end you will stop caring about the Yankees' position player prospects. And then you will die."~ Giradi
You're going to put me out of a job.
ReplyDeleteI like Gary Sanchez.
ReplyDeleteFeel free to shoot me in the head now as I cry.
He's going to be BETTER than Jesus. Just wait!
ReplyDeleteHe's part of the Trinity! The Martin, The Sanchez, and the Holy Cervelli.
ReplyDeleteI've always thought the Yankee Holy Trinity was Ruth, Dimagio and Mickey. But that's the Old Testament.
ReplyDeleteNew Testament: Jeet, Mo and Thurman.
I can't wait for the Qu'ran! Hughes, Sanchez, and Andy Phillips.
ReplyDeleteOh wait, they don't have a Trinity in that book. Back to the drawing board!
The ShawYank Redemption. Starring Michael Pineda and A.J. Burnett. Coming Summer 2012.
ReplyDeleteHank Steinbrenner as Warden Norton.
We will be redeemed for sacrificing our catching prophet! This I promise you!
The Longest Yard, starring Jeet as Bert Reynolds (or in the new version, Adam Sandler - which really sucked, BTW, you can't have Adam Sandler play that role) and Hank Steinbrenner as the Warden.
ReplyDelete