Yankeetorial: Will somebody please end this prospects lists insanity?

Ruben Rivera.

There, I said the name.

It's all you ever need to know about prospects lists.

Remember the Rube? Ripped his shoulder into jelly during a meaningless season-ender, showboating for the bleacher beauties? Heisted Jeet's glove in spring training? He once made Baseball America's Top 5 - couldn't miss! - with future Hall of Famer Brien Taylor, ranked No. 1. Yeahp. That Ruben Rivera.

Look, it's fun to make lists. It's the essence of 7th grade, ranking the girls you want to bed. Every year, like pimple-faced adolescents, Yankee blogs and commentators write out their lists and then argue how our prospects are getting snubbed on other people's rankings - and it hurts us.

Seriously. The last thing a 17-year-old pitcher needs is a stalker webstite. Do we really believe them mature enough to not read about themselves? Of course they do! They bathe in their ethernet greatness, and the outrage that ESPN did not rank them high enough. Why, there's no respect for Gary Sanchez, dammit! Doesn't matter that he started last season as a dugout diva. Frankly, I wish they'd snub Sanchez altogether on their lists. It wouldn't hurt him.

(Note to Gary Sanchez: Listen kid, Yankee history is littered with bozos who had every ounce of your potential, but burned it in the beer brothels of Binghamton and Columbus. Today, they hand out towels. Maybe you'll make it, maybe not. But trust me on this: God help you if your high point in life turns out to be having been named on a prospects list.) 

When we tout minor league teenagers, we're creating major league assholes. We're turning 20 year olds into superstars who rip their shoulders trying to wow the aerobics instructors in the front row.

Wait a minute. One more gripe. Most prospects lists are fake anyway. I've never seen most of these prospects. But my list will look like a real scout's - because it will have the same names: Montero, Bannelos, Betances, etc. I'll sound authoritative. But I'm not. It's just a big Yankee-bloating lie.

Ruben Rivera. That's what all those lists were doing: Rubin' Rivera.