10 Questions Ryan Braun would have for Redsock clubhouse booze ban

1. What constitutes an "alcoholic beverage?" Are rubbing alcohol, astrigents, hair tonic and cleaning fluid included in said Ban?

2. Does said Ban include all pass-through clubhouse personnel - including groundskeepers, writers, celebrities, dealers, wives, sex toys and entourage hangers-on?

3. In cases of booze found, will said Contraband be rendered unusable through the application of a "traffic boot" system or can it be quickly swallowed?

4. Is there an official bell or buzzer that will signify the ending of a game, signaling the time for legally chugging spirits?

5. If a player stashes bottles or cans in his rectum, will he be subject to invasive searches?

6. What provisions will be made to ensure confiscated properties are maintained at proper temperatures to avoid skunkiness?

7. Will the ban extend to Pawtucket, where alcoholic beverages are a crucial element of rehabilitation assignments?

8. Will the team ban beer and wine ads during games, so players are not encouraged to break said Ban?

10. Will said Ban include LSD, ectasy, mushrooms, peyote and other halucinogenic substances regularly supplied by Managment?