Right now, (March 16, 2012 at 6:44 a.m.) the Yankee DH option -- RA-RUW - is putrid

The Cashman plan was brilliantly simple: We would surgically meld together Raul Ibanez and Andruw Jones - cagy vets with 30 years of batsmanship - to create RA-RUW -- the super-human, Scooby-Doo-sounding DH... the powerfull, superior being who would easily fill the slot vacated by his betrayal of Jesus Montero.

Well, this is what we see from RA-RUW:

RA is 2 for 24 - a torrid .083,
RUW is batting .118 - 2 for 17.
Together: RA-RUW has 5 total bases and one RBI. Yes, one sickly, stinkhole RBI. As Scooby would say, "Ru-roh."

OK. It's March 16, right? I am not stupid. No, I am NOT going to get upset over the trading of Jesus Montero and the indecently inhuman snub of Johnny Damon. No, sir. In fact, I'm not even going to look up Jesus Montero's spring numbers in Seattle because... Who cares? Not me. What difference does it make? It's spring, for God's sake. It's March. It doesn't matter. Damn, though, now that I've mentioned it, it's like waking up in the night and wondering if I have to pee? So I get up and pee. But I won't pee now. Dammit, I won't look it up, and from now on, when I wake up, I won't get out of bed and go pee. I DON'T CARE HOW JESUS IS DOING IN SEATTLE.

He's hitting .333. One homerun and eight RBIs. He's 7 for 21.

Who cares? Besides, it's wrong to compare RA-RUW with Jesus at DH. Because Jesus isn't even Seattle's DH. He's catching.