Yankeetorial: We'll soon learn what kind of team this is

After a glorious three-day cholesterol bump, I parachuted into bed last night with a three-run lead, Jered Weaver in the MRI tube, and an Angels nobody on the mound. Slept like Justin Bieber listening to Teletubby music. Woke up to a 9-8 Phil Hughes disaster flick.

Once again, our pitching coach is Henry Jekyll. Today’s Nomo is tomorrow’s Igawa. I heard over the weekend that we signed former Met John Maine. I just didn’t expect him to put on Phil Hughes’ uniform and throw a game so soon.

From the Loew’s Broadcast Booth, The Master reminds us twice per inning that it’s amazing that the Yankees are only two out, considering how badly we've played. And he’s right. It’s amazing. But we have yet to answer one central question:

And are we the team that builds on winning streaks - that is, loses a game and then starts winning again – or are we the team that follows a five-win burst with five straight losses?

OK, I know what you’re thinking: “Jeepers-shucks, Duque, just hold another International Juju Intervention, so we’ll launch another five-game streak. Twenty IJI’s, and that’s 100 wins - home field advantage.”

Listen, you can’t just run an IJI every time you break a nail. Nor can you squander critical juju reserves in May. This stuff doesn’t just grow on trees. The IJI is a break-glass-in-case-of-fire juju weapon. It is dangerous. We damn near lost Grandy and Swish last night in the kind of collision that would have had bad juju written all over it. Running an IJI is like handlng hydrocloric acid. You can get burned.

We must save our juju guns for August and September.

Last night? My bad. I went to bed too soon. Should have stayed up. But WTF with Hughes? How many John Maines does a team need? By my count, we already have 10.