10. Only Yankee at-bats shown during games. Other teams rarely acknowledged.
9. Instead of shaving-cream pies after walk-off wins, team will be
encouraged to have Serena Williams lead them in the "Crip Walk"
8. New in-game contest ... Guess how many centimeters thick Bob Costas' makeup is!
7. Mary Carillo to deliver dramatic pregame reports, condescendingly revealing stuff that most people already know (Mickey Mantle had a unique ability that only those baseball fans with the keenest eye for the smallest of details would pick up on ... he was that rarest of baseball players, the little-known "switch hitter." What is a "switch hitter," you may ask? Few truly understand the term, but to put it in terms the lay person can understand ...)
6. Whenever a Yankee gets a base hit, Rowdy Gaines to scream like a 12-year-old girl at a Justin Bieber concert.
5. Ryan Seacrest to do post-game interviews, desperately trying to make it appear as if he knows something about sports.
4. Tom Brokow to lecture us about World War II before games
3. No more "Yankees Encore" ... every game on tape delay.
2. At least twice a game, Michael Kay will remind everyone that Lolo Jones is a virgin.
1. First 7 innings of games to be shown, but final two innings would be delayed until after an episode of "Animal Practice."
National Anthem played every inning.
ReplyDeleteA 75 year old recording of Kate Smith singing God Bless America played part way through every event. And if you don't stand up or if you drink from your beer or have to take a leak, expect anything from dagger eyes to physical threats to arrest.
ReplyDeleteOh, wait, we have that already. Never mind.