The Yankees lost to Detroit due to the urban runs

I've been holding back on making comments because - well, golly, everybody - we're all still smarting from the blowout fanny-punting we took in the playoffs. And then I got those pictures of Judge Judy in a bikini in my head, and darn it all, something needs to be said.

We lost to Detroit because of all the free victories the Tigers gave their fans all season - they bribed the whole population, pure and simple. Then they turned out their urban players, who played well for Detroit, because of the urban thing. It's Detroit - urban. It's not fair.

That and I wonder if any of our Yankees were eating at Guy Fieri's restaurant.

Anyway, we all know these urban players. They bring out urban fans. The urban fans go to the games and cheer. The Yankees don't do that. We don't bribe our fans. We make them pay top dollar for everything. And when we play in Yankee Stadium, there's nobody there who doesn't belong.

Fortunately, our fans understand that we've got to cut spending. Just like Jessica Simpson has cut eating. Sixty pounds! She was over her salary cap and paying the luxury tax. Now she's lean and mean, like Jayson Nix. We can be her. We can be the Yankee Simpsons! We don't need to be like the Tigers. Cut Yankee spending, now.