Off-topic but oh-so relevant: Be it "Welcome Back SWAT-er," or "Saved By the Shell:" America needs more firepower in the classroom

Yesterday, instead of wringing its hands over a few people somewhere who decided to leap into the way of spraying bullets, the National Rifle Association outlined a cogent national strategy to solve the problem of "madmen" - (the concept, that is, not the hit TV show) - shooting up schools:

Simply eliminate a teaching slot here and there, and replace it with a trained law enforcement professional or - better yet - an elderly member of the NRA. Thus, classrooms can shoot back when fired upon, letting the little bastards again feel safe, while practicing for the football team... or, in the class of girls, the cheerleading squad.

Frankly, we couldn't agree more if a loaded AK47 was pressed to our temple. And we couldn't be happier!

For many years, student discipline has lagged, as those spoiled brats play with their electronic devices and make fun of old people. Well, with Dirty Harry sitting in the back of the room, let's see little Johnny stick Amy's pigtail into an ink well! When those little monsters start disrupting class with their giggling, a shot into the overhead lights should shut them up. And if schools dispensed a few less social studies assignments and a few more whippings, maybe our test scores wouldn't be falling behind the Chinese. 

We applaud the NRA for its devotion to the 22 gun manufacturers that comprise its membership.  Arm the schools! Arm the churches! Get your gun, America! There's only three shopping days until Christmas!