Those hardline, Tea Partyin’ Steinboys are refusing to expand the Yankee debt ceiling without major payroll cuts, leaving us everyday fans wondering what to do?
Should we negotiate with these owner-extremists, who clearly hate John Sterling so much that they would plunge the team into a winless, unSwishalicious recession?
Should we just sit back and take it - watch the 2013-14 Yankees tank, waiting for 2016, while the AL East turns into the Big Sky Conference?
Our solution: The Super Yankee Coin.
Yes, it’s an answer so perfect Yogi Berra could have tweeted it: Mint an Official Steinbrenner Collectable $189,000,000 Yankee dubloon.
This limited-edition, collector's item special coin - valued at exactly $189 million - would be placed into the custody of Commissioner Bud Selig, the $25 million-per-year, handsome, virile and orange-but-organic-haired leader of professional baseball. The coin is worth the Yankee team payroll, but replicas would be sold for just $69.99 - a great way for fans to connect with the team! Proceeds go toward the Yankee luxury tax, which helps the team sign big name stars such as Michael Morse and Oliver Kloseoff.
Of course, some will decry this move as a "gimmick." These people are fools. We says Eduardo Nunez at DH is a gimmick. Drafting Andrew Brackman in the first round, when the world knew he’d need surgery - that was a gimmick.
If it scores us a Biff Tundrafunnel, we’ll take the gimmick.
My daughter says we ought to market "Precious Moments" figurines of the Yankee players. She's already prepared a binder.
ReplyDeleteYou'll depreciate the Yankee currency. That'll cause inflation, and hot dogs will cost twenty dollars per dog, instead of the more acceptable four dollars per dog.
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