Whatever pain-killers Brian Crashman is taking - Dude, I gotta get me some.
What happened was this: The Yankees acknowledged the looming disaster that is otherwise known as Opening Day 2013 in a manner that a general manager who is undergoing middle-age life crisis while taking prescription hallucinogenics. Cashman asked Yankee beat reporters to contact Chipper Jones, 41, to see if the guy would like to come out of retirement and board the Flying Dutchman, known as the 2013 Yankees.
Well, talk is cheap, and these days, so are the Yankees. The Chipper moment cost us nothing, sold a few newspapers - (Cashman actually told reporters he should get points for being creative; I swear I'm not making that up) - and obscured for a few hours the depressing thought of the first season's first 10 weeks, a period when the Yankees play the entire AL East - and from which they might not recover.
What does it say when the most exciting players in spring training are Ronnier Mustellier and David Phelps, neither of whom may even get a shot in this looming 10 weeks crucible?
Mustellier - the Cuban mystery man (simply stated: If he's that good, how did we sign him for $50,000?) - could hit .400 this spring and still be ticketed for Scranton, because 1) he has no position, and 2) he still has options. Number 2 is the working policy here. The frugal Yankees always keep players without options and option players who have them. Thus, they'll hold onto Ben Francisco - he of the .230 ceiling - and send Mustellier back to No Man's Land, because it's their option.
Phelps - the career overachiever (simply stated: They never gave him the time of day until all the other prospects were gone.) - has been one of the best pitchers in camp - along with Jose Ramirez, whom the Yankees farmed out yesterday. Trouble is, he's the fifth starter, as in "won't pitch during the first three weeks of the season." A rain out or two, and he might not start a game until May 20. By then, who knows if he'll be sharp, or if it will matter?
But hey, give them credit for creativity. Chipper Jones? Nobody saw that coming. Get me some of that stuff Cashman is taking. We're going to need it.
Was in Austria the past week and you know what? Nobody there gives a rat's patootie about the Yankees. Nothing in the newspapers, on TV, zippo (who Groucho always said was the funniest Marx brother).
ReplyDeleteIt was refreshing. A nice break from the constant stream of bad news and embarrassing talk from the front office. And know I'm thinking, April is usually too cold or unpredictable to go to a game. May, not bad, but perhaps better spent outdoors at some al fresco alcoholically-based establishment that serves oysters on the side. June...perfect. And right around when the Yanks will be in or near the cellar with tickets going cheap cheap cheap.
Empty seats, a gentle breeze from center field, nobody giving a damn about who wins the Great Subway Race, clapping moronically to a 20-year-old dance club hit or doing the Wave. Maybe it will be like the old days, where you can hear the players yelling across the field to each other.
If they blow it, I will come.
Brian Cashman: Festerus Abuser.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I can get you lots more of that stuff. What a trip, man, Cashman comin' by my place and asking if I'd be interested in joining the starting rotation. I was so flattered I gave the little crippled twerp a handful of my best pills. Now Cash is HIGH HIGH HIGH and never gonna get caught! No, sir!
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