March 26, 2013: They day the Gammonites explained Cashman's logic

Like penguins marching toward the smell of fish, today's screamer tabs seek to guide Isiah Cashman out from under the avalanche of bad ether that came over the Interthing yesterday, following the revelation that the Yankees - aka The Retrieval Empire - were acquiring yet another over-the-hill former slugger to supplement our current supply. (The Steinbrenner family has a genetic attraction to old hitters, much akin to the way the Kim Sung Il clan likes ex-Chicago Bulls.)

Fans can decry this deal from Hell without having to fear that future calls won't be returned, or that the press box coffee machine will only serve decaf. But the wretches of newsprint have to shovel Cashman's hash.  Thus, today, they trot out some fanciful number-crunching to show that the deal - however much it smells like the essence of Andruw Jones/Austin Kearn/Xavier Nady - won't break the Yankee bank.

Under a headline that says, "Deal for Wells makes $ense for Yankees," George King of the Murdoch Migraine writes: "While the Yankees aren’t going to pay Wells all the money this year, his salary for 2014 will be nominal and could result in a low tax number, a zero or credit when next season’s luxury tax is calculated."

Not to be out-spun, Mark Feisand at the Daily News writes, "Although Wells’ seven-year, $126 million contract has been looked at as an albatross for the Angels, the deal could actually be quite beneficial for the Yankees financially. Despite Wells’ bloated salary, his arrival may help the Yankees achieve their goal of staying below the luxury tax threshold next year."

Let me speak for the Yankiverse is saying, "Hooo-ray."

A couple things, and then I promise to stop bashing Vernon Wells and Cashman. (I'm too old for this.)

1. This isn't about numbers. They can make numbers parachute from planes. It's about a fan base desperate for a young player - one young player - to emerge, and a team that refuses to even give one a chance. Even if Vernon Wells hits in April, we know what'll happen in July: He'll tank and finish the season about .230. He'll do what Andruw and all the others do - suck the air out of the farm system. For the Yankees to bench him, he will have to hit .190 for a month. Only then will he come out of the lineup. How can we - as fans - be expected to continually gin up excitement over such players?

It is demoralizing to root for the Yankees.

2. The Yankees ownership philosophy - like most of the MLB fathers - has changed fundamentally since George's death. It used to be that a baseball owner was the richest guy in town, so he becomes a public figure, he sits in the best seat, he entertains celebrities, and he is the Greatest Fan in the city. He speaks for the fans. He reads about the homeless and cuts a check. He cries in the locker room after winning the championship. He doesn't worry about money. This has changed. Well - actually - one part remains: The owners are still the richest guys in town. (I've said this many times:) They are billionaires who pretend to be millionaires, so we will feel sorry for them. But now, they want to make money off their teams. They want to show they're businessmen - like Dad! And considering that they have monopolies in each city - and a fan base in each hip pocket - they can turn the screws quite effectively. Thus, they lobby for tax breaks - and get them. They screw players - and send them packing. They whine, they wheedle, and - in this case - they spent last winter crashing the Yankees franchise - almost systematically - to cut expenses. They said, "We're saving money now, so we can spend it in the future."

Well, I dunno what they're doing. And, frankly, I don't think they do, either. The Gammonites can crunch all the numbers in the world. The only one that matters is .222. That's what Vernon Wells hit the last two seasons, combined.

It used to be fun rooting for the Yankees. Now, it is demoralizing.