Thursday, March 21, 2013

Revealed: If Jete is out, the true Yankee Opening Day Lineup

The batting order

CF The fast guy who is usually injured
RF The old fast guy who never walks
2B The Yankee great who will probably leave next winter
DH The slow guy who is usually injured
3B The last vestige of our rivalry with Boston
LF Take your pick, it doesn't matter
1B If he hits .240, they’ll throw a parade
SS The guy who can’t play shortstop
C  Not Russell Martin
SP The aging workhorse who is one pitch from breaking down
SP The aging workhorse who is one pitch from breaking down
SP The aging workhorse who is one pitch from breaking down
RP The closer we cannot replace, even if he is getting bombed

OWNER: The guy the writers say is really smart, but who has assembled the above and next year will offer less.
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5 comments:

  1. JMMarch 21, 2013 at 9:54 AM

    What a mess. We sure could use the goofy, enthusiastic guy who struck out yesterday with the bases loaded to end the inning for Cleveland. And don't even get me started about the kid who couldn't catch but hit pretty damn well when given the chance even though he has yet to blossom in the wetlands of the great Northwest. That still smarts.

    ReplyDelete
  2. John SterlingMarch 21, 2013 at 3:40 PM

    Yeah, well, but your lineup still doesn't match this gosh-darned lineup card that Suzyn and I have been puzzling over:

    1) Derek Jeter SS
    2) Hieronymous Bosch LF
    3) Chipper Jones DH
    4) Tim Tebow 1B
    5) Kevin Youkilis 3B
    6) Veronica Mars CF
    7) Bill Mazeroski 2B
    8) Chris Christie C
    9) LeBron James RF
    10) Nick Swisher P

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousMarch 21, 2013 at 7:22 PM

    I have tickets for June 2nd... Who will I see then?

    ReplyDelete
  4. LurchMarch 21, 2013 at 7:56 PM

    God must want us to be humble, like Indian fans.

    ReplyDelete
  5. John SterlingMarch 21, 2013 at 11:58 PM

    June 2nd? Who will you see? EVERYBODY!! Because June 2nd is ten-cent beer, disco demolition night, featuring a concert in centerfield by Red Greenbacks and the BlueBoys. Plenty of seats available! The regulation MLB game preceding it will be shortened to 6innings, so the Yankees can save money on baseballs and broken bats. Hey, trade you a Bee Gees 45 rpm disc for a sip of that ten-cent beer! MMmmmmm

    ReplyDelete

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