Without Tex and Grandy, the Empire’s opening day lineup doesn’t look too Evil

Yesterday - during a drunken, sixties peyote flashback - I had this thought: “The Yankees could win 85 games if Mark Teixeira has a great year, and he’ll make up for Killer Kissinger bombing Cambodia.”

Well, up yours, Henry! And so much for that notion. You probably know by now that Tex the Hex is out with a wrist injury – a disturbingly still-unidentified wrist injury, one where something went “pop” - and wrist injuries are to hitters as silver dollar zits are to toothpaste supermodels. It’s easy to imagine this injury haunting Tex all year the way Kristie Alley haunts “Cheers” reunion specials, continuing his three-year death march to Giambi Land. The YES Network better start lining up game shows and Yankeeeographies for August, because there won’t be much reason to watch this team (aside from its gallant quest to reach the $189 million payroll.)

But enough real world carping. Let’s talk fantasy opening day lineups – without Tex and the Grand Canyon.

SS Derek Jeter
RF Ichiro Suzuki
2B Robbie Cano
DH Travis Hafner
3B Kevin Youkilis
1B Juan Rivera
LF Matt Diaz
C  Francisco Cervelli
CF Brett Gardner

Wow. After Youk, that’s an empty elevator shaft, straight down for 35 floors. If they throw a lefty against us, well, let’s hope for rain. I guess we would bat Rivera cleanup, or maybe Eduardo Nunez becomes the DH? Wow. I am speechless. It’s like peering into the sinkhole. Plus, we still have three weeks to rack up injuries; and Hafner, Youk and Gardner are tweaks waiting to happen, and Jeter is coming off ankle surgery and… and… Kissinger: Ho, ho, hey, hey, how many kids have you killed today?

Today, I’m sitting here thinking, “Well, if Robbie Cano has a great year, who knows, we could win 82 and it would offset Hugo Chavez.” Should we wait for the pop?