There is bar on the upper west side called, " Hell and Chico's. " Who could resist?
Dark walnut bartop, brass bar rails and old fashioned stools with red plastic seats, held onto the chair by those little brass nubs someone ( probably an Indonesian 10 year old ) has to hammer in one at a time.
It serves manhattans with a shot of scotch on the side. One is hellish and the other from Chico. Finally, I get it.
So we're watching the Pukilis-less Yankee game and I start writing down numbers on a napkin.
Column 1: Number of drinks and shots/inning: = 0.45 ( Romine's BA)
Column 2 : 2+2+2+2= 0 ( number of wins in our latest 2 run/game streak)
Column 3 : 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 = number of pitches for our hottest prospect to K three times last night.
Column 4: 2 = 2 NOT ( my keyboard does not have the " does not equal" mathematical sign.) Translation: if the Yankees are in a tie game e.g. 2-2, we always lose because 2 is our limit no matter how long it takes.
Column 5 : 0. The number of highly touted position players who have come up from AAA, now batting over .219.
Column 6: 6. Number of games we are now behind the rebuilding Red Sox.
Column 7: 100%. Confidence level that the Red Sox have young talent and we have none.
Column 8. 0%. Confidence level that things will change when Derek returns.
Column 9. 150%. Confidence level that Pineda will be a bust, that Tex is done, that Hafner will not hit again; that Adams is gritty but can't hit, that Neal is a zero who will be hitting in the .100's before the day is done, that Bettances will suck as a reliever, and that Romine will be teaching math in high school next year.
I am still hung over. I did the math.
Although you had a very productive drinking day, imagine how many John pounded down after last night’s debacle. One full handle of Jim Beam, minimum.
ReplyDeleteSounds like Tex is done.
ReplyDeleteIf it makes you feel better, Alphonso, I will share my surfboard with you. See you in Panama in October!
ReplyDeleteHey, KD. If you think John was pounding those drinks, you should have seen me & Jeter last night, somewhere near Malibu. We don't even remember getting back to the hotel. This entire roadtrip is sort of a precursor to "The Hangover 3" . . . . And I think Derek and I are getting cameos in that film. I don't know. Some guy had a video camera last night. My memory is really blurry. If the David Wells training regimen is correct, I should pitch a perfect game next start. And somehow lose because I have no run support. I know that is impossible, but just look at our lineup. And who was that guy playing first base yesterday? Weirder and weirder . . . .
ReplyDeleteI was drinking last night and didn't watch today.
ReplyDeleteI wasn't pounding last night, but only because I had to pound Friday.
As bad as it has been the last few weeks, the Yankees are only 2 back in the loss column. That's amazing really. Hopefully some home cooking will get the bats going again.
ReplyDelete