Here it is, folks: What the Yankees will do in Thursday's draft

The Yankees this year have three first-round draft picks, if you count sandwich picks - which would fall in the second round. That's OK. I'm in.  Three picks.

Many blogs are laying out mock drafts, predicting who we'll take. These people are fools. Considering recent Yankee first round picks such as Cito Culver and Dante Bichette, it's lame to pretend to know what the Yankees will do.

Nevertheless, based on history, there are some things to expect.

1. A bizarre name.  Shea Morenz. Bronson Sardinha. Slade Heathcott. I don't get it either, but we like to draft guys with weird-sounding names. I think it's a marketing thing. Cito Culver. John-Ford Griffin. They're like rappers who craft their handles for maximum impact. Is there a Caspar Kettledrum Keetalcott out there? A Hebert Hathaway-Holloway? If so, he's ours.

2. A physical Goliath. Andrew Brackman.  Andy Brown. Matt Winters. Brian Buchanan. Of these, Brackman - 6'11" is most famous - or infamous. Either way, we won't draft a Dustin Pedroia. They'll be big boys. BIG BOYS.  On the day they're selected, they'll gush over heights and weights, as if Colter Bean wasn't 6'8".

3. Somebody with huge potential but one major flaw, which causes him to fall to 30th.  Brackman. (elbow) Heathcott (family issues) Ty Hensley. (abormality). This is often a pitcher whose elbow is in mothballs, or in the case of last year's pick, who needs a hip replacement. When the names are announced, each will be described as a guy who would have been Number One... if only for that one little thing.

4. A guy who won't sign, has told us he won't sign, but we think he's just playing hard to get, so we draft him anyway. Gerrit Cole. Mark Prior. Tyrell Goodwin. In Goodwin's case, we dodged a bullet. Don't be surprised if they take a flier on some guy everybody avoids, because there's no way he's signing.

5. Nepotism. Dante Bichette Jr. David Parrish. Bronson Sardinha. Oh well, at least we never drafted a nephew of Elvis Presley, as the Mets did.

6. A future star for another team. Ian Kennedy. Eric Milton. Carl Everett. Scott McGregor. These really hurt, because if you're a Yankee fan, you follow the first-round pick. When he gets traded, and then succeeds... yeesh, it's a long dark pain.

7. A guy with one psychological flaw that is going to cost him a potentially great career. Brien Taylor (bar fight). David Walling (can't throw to first). Brackman (wildness). Rex Hudler (drugs). Ron Bloomberg (never learns to field). Some of it might result from being in the New York spotlight. The saddest case is Taylor, who's now doing jail time for drugs. The weirdest was Walling, who developed a Chuck Knoblach syndrome about holding runners on base.

8. A captain. Thurman Munson. Derek Jeter. Let's not forget the two greatest first round picks in Yankee history. Munson came in 1968, and Jeter in 1992 - a stretch of 24 years. It's been 21 years now... hey, it's almost time for history to repeat. How about 2013 - the year we draft three captains and future Hall of Famers. Ahh, perchance to dream...