An evil black beard.
A Ming the Merciless beard. A Snidely Whiplash. Maybe even a Kristie Alley.
In celebration of the Yankees' rejuvenated status as pure evil, as the team that all god-fearing fans must instinctively hate, it is time for the organization to end its outdated ban on facial shrubbery.
If A-Rod were allowed pure freedom of expression, he could dress as a woman (which, by the way, would also be effective) and grow the chin roughage.
Free the Yankee chins.
Let my people grow.
Stubble. Thick stubble. That's how you keep ownership from fining you. And Billy didn't care about shaving as long as you hit with men in scoring position. We need this current team to look a little more Bob Dylanesque. Somebody needs to get caught smoking cigarettes in the dugout, Cliff Johnson Style. Play the villains and inexorably claw up the standings until the Red Sox are in fourth place and they're burning effigies of Dempster on Yawkey Way.
ReplyDeleteOh, man. Duque, you want our guys to look like the dwarf chimp? I guess they couldn't be THAT ugly, but still...
ReplyDeleteBeards seem to be all the rage in MLB. I feel that lack of facial shrubbery makes us different and therefore MORE evil, MORE hate worthy and MORE easily mocked. I want everyone to hate and mock us as it makes victory that much sweeter.
and besides, imagine Youk coming back sporting a redsocks beard while wearing pinstrips. Good Grief! Perhaps I'm being a bad minion but have you thought this thing through?
My sign for the next Friday home game:
ReplyDelete"A-Holes boo A-Rod".
Think the Master will give me an on-air mention? An appearance on YES during an A-Rod at-bat? Nobody would beat up an old man, would they?
KD, if you want Red Sox fans to get the message, you might spell at least one word incorrectly. How 'bout "A-Holes buu A-Rod"? May be a stretch since most Red Sox fans are illiterate and/or drunk. On another blog a guy described the profusion of bearded gents on the Sox roster as resembling folks who had migrated out of the mountains of West Virginia. That's what the Red Sox dugout resembles! A family reunion in Eastern Kentucky. Notice the inbred facial similarities between Rand Paul and Johnny Gomes?
ReplyDeleteI can see it now: a reality series involving illiterate redsocks players, firearms, and moonshine with a lot of talk about "those damn Yankees".
ReplyDeletetoo many comments today. sorry guys. slow day at the office...
By the way, like the great Persian rugmakers of - well - Persia, who weave one mistake into each work, thus not pissing off Allah, I try to always add one factual error to my posts. Keeps the juju gods happy.
ReplyDeleteI thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken.
ReplyDeleteR. A. Dickey, prepare for your night of the Long Knives. Make your peace and feel the avenging sword of the Hertz Broadcast Booth.
ReplyDeletebetter find and filet him quick, Suzyn. Dickey was a Met so he knows all the good hiding places from the Bronx to Queens..
ReplyDelete