The Yankees’ nuclear stockpiles at catcher must be used to handle the spent fuel-Rod at third

As The Master loves to say in the Daily News Fifth, “Hey, now, looking at this Yankee ball club…”

Few positions appear rock solid through the next millennium. But if we’re not stuffed to the wheelhouse with catchers, then take me to the train station and unhitch my red caboose, because my loco engine has run off the rails. (I have no clue what that metaphor means, but it sounded good coming off the bat.)   

Yesterday, we were visited by the Ghosts of Catchmas Present and Future. They both hit home runs. First was Brian McCann, the Catcher of Now. Then it was Gary Sanchez, the Catcher of Tomorrow. We also have Francisco Cervelli, the Catcher of Yesterday, and Austin Romine, the Catcher of Five Minutes ago and maybe Five Minutes from Now. Then there is the Catcher of the Alternative Future, J.R. Murphy and – stay with me here – the Catcher of the Distant Future, Peter O’Brien, and yet another catcher they signed from Venezuela, the Catcher of the Next Age - I’m talking Arthur Clarke stuff here – and he’s so far off that we really cannot know his name. We’ll call him Jorge 3000.

This remarkable surplus is going to come in handy, especially considering our problems at third base. Remember how the used to call Brooks Robinson “the Vacuum Cleaner?” The Yankees third base is just known as “the Vacuum.” And if catching represented our hopes and dreams, third base represents the sum of our Yankee fears.

We have the third baseman of the past and future, A-Rod, who - like those newly discovered CERN nanoparticles – can actually inhabit two locations in time. We have the third baseman of the moment, Kelly Johnson, but he is only for this precise moment; if you blink or look away, he could be gone – to second base, or nowhere. He may not exist. Then we have the third baseman who exists only in theory, Scott Sizemore, because half the fans think he’s Grady Sizemore, and the other have think he’s Scott Spiezio, and he might not hit, and he might not field. Then we have the third baseman who comes via the San Diego wormhole, Dean Anna. Last year, in the Pacific Coast League, he was Rod Carew. But that was an alternative universe, not the one we inhabit. Here, he might be Cod Rarew. Finally, we have Eduardo Nunez, who stands at the absolute nexus between science and religion, where all truth becomes fiction and reality only exists in the imagination. Chew on that for awhile, next time Nuni comes up with men on base. But here’s the deal, when he’s not playing, Nunez looks great. When he’s in there, he sucks.  

The Creator of this time and space conundrum – Brian Cashman – is waiting to trade one of our catchers – from the past, near present or future – for a third baseman who actually exists in the real, luxury-tax-paying world. Supposedly, there are excess infielders with the Diamondbacks and White Sox, two franchises that, by the way, have never been known for doing us favors. What do I know? I know this: When the Yankees signed Brett Gardner to a long-term deal, the fine print said that one of their catchers was going to be traded. Yesterday, two balls left the park, courtesy of our catchers. One of these days, a Yankee catcher will follow.