Oh, yes. Wouldn't you like some knock-off Tervis Tumblers? Or glass-etching decals of Jesus? Beyond your first trip to the Hooters, no image will explode into the area behind your sinus like that entrance to the flea market. Last week, in a giant ants-on-popsickle swarm near Bradenton, my first moment was to see a man demonstrating home personal tasers to a crowd of Stage Four Alzheimer candidates wearing string ties and Romney buttons. With one of those babies, rather than shoot the back-talking teen dead - you can just explode his testicles with 10,000 volts. Yep, this is Florida, land of the flea... where the Yankees always, always, always, visit the swap meet.
So begins our great 2014 spring parlor game: Who goes? Francisco Cervelli or Austin Romine, David Phelps or Adam Warren, Ichiro or some low-level prospect? Somebody, anybody, is going to leave us and we will bring home... what?
Last year, we picked up the ghost of Vernon Wells, plus the scrap heap plug-ins, Lyle Overbay and Brennan Bosch. We selected them after picking through vast piles of 1990s name brand electronics - good stuff from Atari and Sega - only to find that Windows '95-compatable systems didn't work in today's home entertainment center.
Oh, well. Not sure Ichiro will work either. But he'll be somebody else's problem, soon. Something is coming, folks. The rumors are everywhere: Ichi to the Phillies. Cervelli to the White Sox. And everybody wants a David Phelps. Or bullpen lugnuts. They're like bar coasters. Fifty cents apiece, three for a dollar.
For the last two months, we've heard the steady dial tone about how the Yankees are quite comfortable, thankyou, with Kelly Johnson and Brian Roberts anchoring their infield, and without a back-up closer to David Robertson. Guess what? They were lying! It was just Florida swap meet talk! Soon, the Yankees will make a trade to fill some weakness that we claimed didn't exist. Hey, that's China Town, Jake. This is Florida. What? You say something? Maybe I oughta introduce you to Mr. Tazie...
They need a third baseman and a prominent set up guy for the bullpen. But they've got nothing to give. N-O-T-H-I-N-G. Take Ichiro and Cervelli -- please. How about suckering them with can't-miss, over-hyped Yankee prospects?
ReplyDeleteWhat does the other team want? Gardner, Nova, and Robertson. Of these three, maybe Nova should go. He's had enough good appearances to bamboozle the other team, but will probably never be consistent enough to excel (except, of course, if he's wearing some other team's uniform).
Random thoughts::
ReplyDeleteI have no idea why Ichiro is still on this team. If no one wants to trade for him, he should be released.
And why are the Yankees bothering with Scott Sizemore? Cashman really needs to get over his washed-up player fetish.
If Dean Anna is not on the opening-day roster--and starting at second base--then this organization is even more addled than we had imagined.
Third base is simple--Eduardo Nunez--great arm, good agility, speed, pop. Oh wait--he's not over thirty and hasn't failed with another team. SORRY!
It's been noted by others that Ichiro still provides above average defense and has a great arm.
ReplyDeleteThat and the fact that with 166 ABs against lefties, he hit .321 last year.
So he's better than half of our outfielders as a fielder, and hits better than practically anybody on the team (it might actually be 'anybody') against left-handed pitchers, and yet somehow he sucks and needs to be shot immediately.
I hate that the bastard never takes a walk, but if you need a pinch hitter or defensive replacement late in the game, or just want someone in RF who can still play RF, that might be why you keep him.
Unless you can swing a deal that makes you better.
One year bench player. They've had much, much worse. Zolio can play more in 2015, no problem.
Batting average is the least important offensive stat. Ichiro had the lowest OPS of qualifying outfieders last year. He's losing speed--most of those infield choppers that used to be hits are now outs.
ReplyDeleteAnyone with his current skill set not named Ichiro would be long gone--especially if he were a product of the Yankee farm system. Ichiro is a complete waste of a roster spot on a team already overburdened with outfielders. Why not just put them all on the field and play half of them in the infield and dismiss the regular infielders? This would be the only way to make sense of Cashman's roster construction.
This is all about a diseased addiction to washed-up marquee names at the expense of building a real team.
I think Ichiro made sense last year, at least to the accountants. He wasn't really allowed to help the team that much. Joe just couldn't force himself to go against conventional wisdom by bringing in a leftie to face a leftie, despite John's well-founded observation. But Ichiro put butts in the seats last year. I saw Asian fans dressed like him with some even wearing Ichiro masks. They didn't come to see Jeter.
ReplyDeleteLet's face it: it's all about the money and this season they will come for Tanaka and Kuroda. Ichiro on the bench fades to insignificance.
I hope that KD will be ready to provide an exact accounting of exactly how many Asian fans attended games because of the hope that Suzuki might be starting in one of them. Quel idiot!
ReplyDeleteBesides, Yankee attendance in general was in the toilet last year, in part because of the plethora of washout marquee names leading the team to oblivion. So trading off 60 percent of your fan base for a handful of Asians in Ichiro attire is not exactly a brilliant business model--except in the bizarro world of KD.
Suzuki is finished--probably Kuroda, CC, Jeter, Tex, and Brian Robert too. It's going to be a loooooong season at the steakhouse in the Bronx.
Kisama tama: anyone who thinks that a player's performance is the only measure of his value is living in a dream world.
ReplyDeleteWinning boosts attendance--not Old-Timer's day every day at the ballpark. I just made it clear that your stab at demonstrating Ichiro's commercial value was preposterous--so you answer with a non sequitur.
ReplyDeleteIchiro was part of the reason the Yankees' attendance was in the toilet last year, notwithstanding the four people you spotted in the stands in Ichiro costumes.
You're an idiot.