Friday, April 4, 2014

"Yangervis Yangs one?" Holy crap! John may need a home run call for Yangervis Solarte

Last week, the implications of the Yangervis ("The Yangee Gervis") Solarte ending the Lost Era of Nuni and making the trip to Houston slipped through my John Sterling Consciousness Simulator. (Of course, I was in Norway, eating dried cod strips, so the simulator wasn't running at its top, Compuserve/Windows 95 speed.) I never fathomed the possibility of Solarte actually playing in a Yankee game, much less hitting a home run.

Now, everything has changed. Tonight, who knows? He could whack three! So...

CALLING ALL CARS. CALLING ALL CARS. BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR A HOME RUN CALL. REPEATING: THIS IS NOT A TEST OF THE EMERGENCY STERLING SYSTEM. THIS IS A STERLING EMERGENCY! This is like in Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, where, to save the day, cub scouts nationwide trash the newspaper industry. (In the modern remake, the Newhouse Corporation will have already done this.) WE NEED A HOME RUN CALL FOR YANGERVIS SOLARTE, AND DAMMIT, WE NEED IT NOW.

Think of it this way: This is like an International Juju Intervention, except instead of staring at our TVs and clapping our hands to revive Tinkerbell, we must enter our Sterling Holodecks and find some existential truths.

Potential home run calls for Yangervis Solarte.

YANGERVIS YANGS ONE!

SOOOOOO LONG, SOOOOOOO-LARTE!

(Singing) I'M A SOUL MAN. YEOWWWWWW! I'M A SOOOOUL MAN!

(Biblical) GERVIS THIS DAY OUR DAILY BREAD!

YANK YOU, SIR! GERVIS ANOTHER!

IT'S A DOUBLE-LATTE, FROM SOLARTE!
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9 comments:

  1. Ken of BrooklynApril 4, 2014 at 8:58 AM

    SOOOOOOO Larte- Ohhhhh Ohhhh! Yangervis Yanks One into the,,,,, ( Right field porch/ Bull pen wall /Left field etc..)

    Not a Broadway show tune per se, but a song from John's era,,,

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousApril 4, 2014 at 9:03 AM

    (Singing to the tune of "Volare")

    Sooo-lar-tay, Whoa Whoa; Soooo-lart-tay, Whoa Whoa Whoa Whoa

    ReplyDelete
  3. ken of BrooklynApril 4, 2014 at 9:16 AM

    Absolutely Ceeja, we both referenced Volare, LOL!

    ReplyDelete
  4. AnonymousApril 4, 2014 at 2:41 PM

    You're right -- I hadn't even seen your post. So this may mean that Sterling will go with our version. It's so obvious!!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. AnonymousApril 4, 2014 at 3:37 PM

    It's a SOLARte Flare!

    ReplyDelete
  6. JMApril 5, 2014 at 4:36 AM

    We will likely be disappointed by a yangalicious! or some such nonsense. I do like the flare angle.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Unsustainable BABIPApril 5, 2014 at 11:41 AM

    Oh, he's a Yangervis-doodle-dandy! The heart and SOL-ARTE of the Yang-ees!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Ken of BrooklynApril 7, 2014 at 2:38 PM

    Heeey Ceeja,

    It wasn't a home run, but just now when he hit for another RBI, The Master crooned Sooooooolate- Whoa Whoa!!!!!

    I was filled with pride upon hearing this, LOL!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  9. AnonymousApril 7, 2014 at 2:47 PM

    Let the record reflect that the Jedi mind trick perpetrated by Ken of Brooklyn and yours truly has worked. After doubling in a run in the bottom of the fourth, Sterling launched into song: "Solarte, Whoa Whoa"

    ReplyDelete

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