In a nutshell, here'e the line, along with my suggested strategy, for conquest. Seems to me, if we can win it this year, we can sweep eastward and annex Providence. We'll never drive them out of Boston or Cape Cod, and I doubt we could ever take Springfield. But there is no reason for Rhode Island to be occupied by pro-Redsock factions. If Vladimir Putin were running the Yankees, we would sign Stephen Drew.
I'll speak to Vlad tonight during our regular "debriefing sessions". I don't mean to brag but his ability to influence events outside the Glorious Motherland has sky-rocketed since yours truly shared a few trade secrets, as I'm sure you've noticed. This Drew fellow will be in pinstripes before you know it and the balance of Yankee/Redsock power will be permanently shifted.
ReplyDeleteFrom my encampment here on one of those little red dingleberries you see hanging out in the middle of Narragansett Bay on that map, I stand ready to serve, El Duque, mi commandante.
ReplyDeletePlease broadcast your commands on AM 790 out of East Providence, RI. Your strategy does not need to be transmitted in code since the provincial, parochial, and insular Redsock Nation does not even realize that Yankee games are broadcast right under their runny little Redsock noses.
On your signal, the proud Yankee faithful will emerge from our tunnels through tree stumps and out from under dog houses just like those guys on Hogan's Heroes. (We listen to AM 790 on a speaker hidden in a coffee pot on top of a wood stove.)
We will mine their train tracks and sabotage their vehicles. The Redsock Nation won't know what hit them. Like Sgt. Schultz, they will know Nuss-sink! Nuss-sink!
I love that map more than Italian sausage with peppers at the Stadium and a half-gallon of Ketel with imported Indian tonic water and a dozen $5 limes.
ReplyDeleteEway ustmay ignsay ephenstay rewday.
ReplyDeleteI'm concerned about those flecks of red at the eastern end of Long Island. Is that a sign of aggression? Have we not been protecting our borders enough?
ReplyDeleteI find it interesting that the darkest red is NOT in Boston around Fenway whereas around The Stadium, we see the darkest gray.
ReplyDeleteI interpret this to mean that the redsock nation decline has already begun, and at the very source of its power (Fenway). A fish does start rotting at the head, as they say. An encouraging sign.
And John M! What is the deal with lime prices lately? I can no longer afford to indulge in my favorite scurvy preventatives as God intended. Had to resort to crappy lime juice in that stupid lime-shaped squirt bottle!
I find it interesting that the darkest red is NOT in Boston around Fenway whereas around The Stadium, we see the darkest gray.
ReplyDeleteFunny, I wondered about that too. My conclusion was that there are a lot of colleges/universities in Boston itself with a lot of healthy, wholesome, and sensible Yankee youngsters who have liked the Yanks on Facebook, thus diluting the votes of the dumbass natives.
Makes sense?
Yes, that does make sense. The general IQ in the immediate area is certainly higher than in the rest of redsock nation. Your explanation just isn't as apocalyptic as I'd prefer.
ReplyDeleteLimes and a lot of other things are victims of the drought conditions out west. They've been having a drought in Brazil, too, which is why coffee prices have gone nuts.
ReplyDeleteThe whole weather problem is hitting grain production, also. The highest-rising food prices in the past year are bacon (ye gads), ground beef, pork, and chicken, because like in the 70s, people are avoiding the more expensive meats and buying more chicken, but the demand is driving up the price.
Margarine has gone up a lot, too, but who gives a crap. Yuck.
Thank God the government doesn't count food and energy in its inflation calculations or inflation would be out of control (cough) -- an underhanded way of stopping inflation-covering increases in Social Security and other programs. The government number is known on the web as inflation ex-inflation.
I live in a Red area. Fortunately we have a station that has the dulcet tones of the Master. Unfortunately, I cannot get the real game on YES.
ReplyDeleteI find it much more interesting (more than the subhuman affection for the small market $160 million team) that the area around Citi field is 53% Yankee fans.
And my hometown in VT is the oasis in that hillbilly enclave.