5 Days Later...

I've been sick for a couple of weeks (something told me not to inhale the white powder from that letter with the return address, "Anonymous"...) so I'm playing catch up. (Just like the Yanks will be doing most days over the next five seasons or so...)

The November 7th post by Alphonso only now caught my eye. Great idea, playing the Rod every day at third, even if he has to ride a personal scooter to do it. (Pictured here, the ME:GO 4-Wheel Heavy Duty Personal Mobility Vehicle/Mobilizer in rich metallic blue, only $7,990 on eBay. I'm sure the Rod could get it custom-pinstripe-painted at Earl Scheib Paint and Body, conveniently located on Bruckner Boulevard in the Bronx.)

The suggestions in the comments were stellar. I'm Bill White opined that the Rod should play short, like he used to before he darkened our towels as a Yankee. (You get the Marx Brothers references or you don't. Sorry.) KD mused that perhaps Roddy could be our new hitting coach. ("Bend over, boys, it's time to inject some life into this lineup!")

Duque had an interesting idea: player/manager. That would make for a lot of new rules.

1) Save your wheels, just piss where you are.

Isn't Rodriguez a common name in Belgium?

2) Mandatory hip surgery for everybody who strikes out a lot. 

3) OK, try the other hip.

4) Backless dugout for easier access to field box babes.

5) Floor to ceiling mirrors anywhere they ain't.

6) Karate chopping drills in Spring Training.

7) "I got it" lessons in Spanish, Mandarin, and Japanese.

8) Ladies WWF matches On Demand for free.

9) Bud Selig dart board in clubhouse.

10) Bud Selig punching bag in weight room.

11) Bud Selig urinal cakes everywhere.

12) Retired or not, Jeter's benched.