Science made easy: Explaining the CERN Large Hadron Collider through baseball

It's hard for us to understand what's going on at the CERN Large Hadron Collider, which is about to be turned on in Europe. It might unveil the presence of worm holes to alternative universes - you know, where the Hulk goes to the Skrull planet and falls in love - or it could destroy the fabric of all universal matter, ending our existence, with the Yankees only one game out in the loss column, Suzyn.

So... what IS going on?

I've heard it said that baseball can be... a metaphor...  for life!

Consider this edited quote from a Daily Beast thumb-sucker about the Hadron collider. 

“Dark matter (Pitching) is a real problem in physics today. It’s one of the big puzzles,” CERN physicist Dave Charlton told the Swiss Broadcasting Corporation this month. “We don’t understand what 95% of the universe (league) is made of. We know from astronomical observations that there is dark matter (pitching) in the universe (league) – probably five times as much as the normal everyday matter (pitching) that we can see. So what is it? We don’t know. One very good possibility is the theory of supersymmetry, which predicts that dark matter (pitching) is due to particles (players) that we should be able produce at the LHC.”