Seattle wants Mr. September? Great. But if all you do is trade with the Mariners, do you become the Mariners?

Joel Sherman - currently lead hamster on the treadmill at the GM toga party in Boca - says our old friends, the Mariners, are kicking the Goodyears on Brett Gardner. A year ago, no Yankee fan in captivity would let Gardy go yardy. Now, it's, "Who da we git?" Aside from Luis Severino and the performance artist who pretends to be Randy Levine's hair, there's nobody we wouldn't happily disappear in the right trade. If Hillary Clinton had attended Yankee games in late September, Congress would be convening hearings on the collapse. Brian Cashman is right in saying everybody is up for grabs. We're like the shouter in the car commercial: EVERYTHING MUST GO! But... to Seattle... again?

There are teams we ride with, and teams that won't get in our car, unless it's to pee in the bucket seat. For example, we never trade with the Redsocks, unless we can get rid of Kelly Johnson, and they can get rid of Stephen Drew. That's the fabled "deal that helps both teams!" Unfortunately, our Yankee North American Trade Agreement seems to only include Pittsburgh - (which does pretty well, right A.J.?) - and Seattle, aka Yankees West.

So if we deal Gardy to the city of Joginson Cano, who da we git? Sherman says there is a pitcher that the Yankees "like." Well, that's nice. One of the great innovations in rumor tidbits is the new classification of players, which the Yankees "like." For example, Dustin Ackley. Last July, they "liked" Ackley for months before prying him loose in a trade. (That he was batting .215 may have helped.) The notion goes this way: Our vast, superior scouting staff see things the clods in Seattle and Pittsburgh don't. This winter, the plan is for Cashman to somehow win the 2016 via one-sided trades. But it's sort of sad when the primary gene pool turns out to be the usual partners - Seattle and Pittsburgh.

Don't get me wrong: I "like" Dustin Ackley too. Thus far, he's a small sample size Yankee all-star. But last year, Oakland wouldn't return our calls on Josh Donaldson, until they suddenly handed him to Toronto, naked inside a giant bakery cake. Supposedly, they may deal Sonny Gray this winter. Would they send him to NYC without demanding Jeter's first born and Levine's secret shampoo? Will anybody send us anybody that we "like?" Oh well, let's not think of such things. The important point this winter is that Scrooge McDuck keeps his precious coins. Gardy may be going yardy. Who da we git?