Monday, at 1:05 p.m. - give or take the final hernia strain from whatever national treasure bellows the National Anthem - the world starts over again, as it did last year, and the year before that, and... wait a minute, there's some cycle thing going on here!
Woah. I gotta sit. We'll no longer be defined by our last game - that depressing, 3-hitter, home field embarrassment at the hands of Houston. Stephen Drew is gone, and as of a Monday, I have no hard feelings toward him; I wish Drew the best. John Ryan Murphy and Adam Warren - whom we watched from seedlings - have departed; may both become all-stars! Who holds a grudge on opening day? And it's actually almost here!
Monday, at 12:59, just as some celebrity or political hack is tossing out the ceremonial first pitch, the suits from Comcast and YES will cut a deal. Just wait. Within 30 seconds, thousands of cable subscribers across New Jersey will see a screen crawl announcing the Yankee game is on TV, and all the posturing last winter was pure crapola, because that's what suits produce.
Behind the dugout, Rudy Giuliani will sit next to Bill O'Reilly, and maybe Trump, plus Judge Judy, Howard Stern, and some minor Kardashians. Hillary Clinton will be doing Carpool Karaoke! A-Rod's billionaire girlfriend will watch from her personal blimp over the field. The sun will shine, and for the first time, we can appraise whatever the hell Cashman did all winter.
Monday, one oh five. The earth will have spun, and we will have survived all the bugs and bogeymen, and that Mayhem guy from All State. Wait a minute: We'll hear the new Yankee in-game radio commercials! Will Celino and Barnes still sing their jingle? Will Geiko celebrate the 15th out? When somebody slides into second - safe! - will they be safe and secure, with New York Life? WAIT A MINUTE: What is Suzyn planting in her garden? What celebrity autobiographies did John read over the winter? What home run call will he give for Starlin Castro?
You know what? It's almost here.
I'm cringing already.
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