MOON BIG PAPI DAY IS COMING

On September 29, 2016, the disagreeable stain upon Yankeedom known as David "Big Papi" Ortiz will conclude - at least on our watch. That night, "Papi" will play the last game of his magical misery tour - the farewell gifting opportunity for New York fans to bill and coo over this foul-mouthed, drug-enhanced, nasty-dispositioned, troll-faced, corporate-funded, fraudulent toad.

Amazingly, he hopes his final Bronx appearance will bring some loving send off, some debutante fantasy of a heartfelt tribute, like in the movies. He wants us to weep, to kiss his hand, to bend over and genuflect to his greatness.

Well, we're down with the bending over part. Let's just say we have SOMETHING ELSE IN MIND.

This website, in conjunction with the certifiable Yankee genius fan known to you as Local Bargain Jerk, is proud to hereby announce:

http://www.moonbigpapi.com/

Go there. Now. Don't just sit here, go! Shoo, shoo! This is the greatest call to action since Lassie ran off to save Timmy in the well. This is the most important date remaining on the Yankee calendar.

Listen: We need your help. We need you to get out the word. We are nothing more than a butterfly flapping its wings in China - but somehow - with you and a thousand others - we can make the earth quake in the Bronx on September 29. WE CAN MAKE HISTORY.

We're talking about five, maybe 10 seconds of spontaneous cheekiness. It will be the greatest tribute/put down in history.

IT'S ONLY A PAPI MOON. 

MOON BIG PAPI! SEPTEMBER 29. 

BE THERE, AND DARE TO BARE!