Yankees win game nobody watched

A future Yankee Classic? And I missed it. Go figure...

Last night, the entire free world was watching the season opener of Real Housewives of Orange County on Bravo, where Michael and Kelly finally faced off over their relationship. Today, you can choose your news feed to decide who won the fight, because everybody watches through their personal fun house lenses, but while America was gorging itself on bluster, holy crap! The Empire finally fought back!

Note Tex's glance toward Jason Grilli, just before the ball lands, prompting the aborted bat-flip. This HR tied the game in the ninth. I wish I'd been watching, but I jumped ship when the debate began - uh, between Michael and Kelly, that is. I couldn't bear to sit through another Yankee loss, coupled with Blue Jays' taunts and the mooing crowd. So... it's on me: I missed a great Yankee comeback, maybe the best of 2016, and maybe Mark Teixeira's last home run. So... let's preserve the moment forever, or until Google lowers the boom.

With regard to Michael and Kelly: You know that it's all about sex, right? He's not getting enough. That's why, in the beginning, he constantly interrupted her, yet kept his composure. Later, he clearly became sexually aroused. I think it was her red pants suit - like waving a red towel at the bull. He got erect and charged her. He started yammering about her stamina - in bed, of course. I think he wanted to have a toss right there. You know how reality stars are. All they think about is sex.

With regard to Dellin Betances: I wish there was a way to let him get repeatedly laid for the rest of the season, and spare him from another meltdown. He's on the verge of spending the winter reliving ninth inning nightmares, and P.T.S.D. is not a healthy thing. If he gets a quick inning, maybe they should make that his final outing. (And why in the world would the Yankees pitch Tanaka again, when he's recovering from an arm issue? That would be insane.) It's clear that Cashman must find bullpen help over the winter, and either Hal empties his wallet for Aroldis Chapman, or the Yankees will have to trade away practically everything they got from Cleveland for Andrew Miller - and what would be the point? If they must trade prospects for a closer, why the hell did they bother to trade the best one in baseball, to begin with? Betances needs help. Let him rest and find him a good woman.

Now... if Kelly could just ditch Michael - kick him out - Dellin could winter in Orange County. Would that work? Who knows? But they'd get ratings.