It's time to start thinking about the second Michael Pineda trade

Okay, because this is what we're all secretly thinking...

In 49 at bats for the Norfolk Tides this season, Jesus "Ice Cream" Montero hath zero home runs - yep, nada - and he's batting a crisp, small sample .143. Jesus was resurrected two weeks ago after being caught last fall turning water into testosterone-fortified wine. So, yeah, if you're still scoring at home, we won the famous Nothing Burger Trade of 2012; we pulled one over on those smart-mouthed Seattle Mariners. For the Yankees to lose that deal, Michael Pineda would have to betray humanity for a Martian invasion or bring a silencing heartache to national songbird Taylor Swift. Even then, I might still sign off in favor of the trade.

But we've celebrated long enough. It's time for an endgame Pineda strategy. Let's face it: We're not going to sign his sideways cap to a long term contract this winter. Some NL team - (the, cough, Pirates, cough) - will give him five years at $60 million, and of course he'll thrive next year against pillbox lineups where the piddling pitchers come to bat. On that fateful snowy day, we'll get nothing for our troubles, and we will once again trot out Jesus Montero's meager stats, just to assure ourselves that it wasn't just some West Virginia opioid hallucination.

Yesterday, Suzyn Waldman devoted the meat of her pregame analysis to wondering which Pineda would show up - the one with 15 strikeouts over six shutout innings, or the Great Dumpling, who gives up three-run blasts with two outs. Within the first eight batters, that question was answered with dull, throbbing thunderclaps, and yet Jovial Joe - hoping that Pineda could occupy space and time - left him in just long enough to give up the fateful runs that would ice the game. Now, the real question across the Yankiverse is this: What the hell can we get for this guy - if anything - on or about July 31?

Yes, I'm suggesting what two weeks ago would have been blaspheme: Pineda needs to go - especially if he seems to turn it around. Two or three consecutive quality starts would make him very attractive to an NL team such as Milwaukee, which is chasing the playoffs after a generation of Selig disease, and I would love to see us get two solid Single A prospects - even if they eventually turn into Jesus Monteros. I don't care. Pineda's whole Yankee career has been one false positive after another, always followed by a floating three-run turd. Before the cock crows on August 1, Brain Cashman must summon the strength of character to trade Pineda for whatever we can get, regardless of the short term pain.

The most terrifying aspect of the current Yankee malaise is that it's not just a cold streak, a team-wide slump that we need to keep calm and carry on - that it's the cold stark reality of 2017. This team has overachieved, far beyond preseason specs. No matter what happens this fall, we built the infrastructure for future division titles and maybe a ring or two. But 2017 will be remembered as the year Aaron Judge truly arrived, joining Gary Sanchez (and maybe Greg Bird ad Clint Frazier?) to anchor our lineup. This is the year Luis Severino came of age, and future keys (Chance Adams, Glyber Torres, Miguel Andujar, Tyler Wade, Dustin Fowler) rose in the system. This could be the year of the Second Pineda Trade, and wouldn't it be neat if it turned out as fruitful as the first?

It's no longer relevant to start each game wondering which Pineda will show up. We know which Pineda showed up: The one we cannot count on. It's time for an endgame. I'm tired of looking up Jesus' stats. I only want to do it one more time - the night of July 31.