Tuesday, October 24, 2017

A hundred degrees for the Series? Good. I say make it hot for the cowardly home plate umps

I trust that the tin crown billionaires of baseball can now enjoy their stupid, boring, inconsequential, meaningless, six-hours-per-game World Series, because nobody - NOBODY - will be watching. At least I won't be. To me, the grapes they're offering look mighty sour. Dodgers v. Astros? That's not a world series. That's the NL West. It's Raul Mondesi v. Lance Berkman. It's wildfires v. floods. It's Harvey Weinstein v. the Texas high school social studies teachers who constantly bed down 11th graders. Nobody - anywhere - will watch. We all have better things to do this time of year... like... um... bobbing for apples.

In fact, from now on, this is a bobbing-for-apples blog: IT IS HIGH, IT IS FLOATING, IT IS... bit! You know what the trick is to getting the good bob? Press the apple against the rim of the barrel, squeeze it with your chin, go below the water and explode upwards, like the Pacific Life whale. Rookies attack from above, and the apple simply goes underwater. You cannot snag an apple coming from above. You will get apple squat. (Tomorrow: Winning at musical chairs.)

But but but... I'm still smarting from the inescapable sense that the recent Houston-New York series was the most unfairly called playoffs in memory. Every game went to the home team, and in each case, the home plate umpires were playing like Pavaroti to the crowds. Of course, the Yankees received three plates of home cooking. But in the end, heading back to Houston, you knew the balls and strikes would be going the Astros' way, and to no one's surprise, that's what happened.

I'm not referring to the close calls at first, or that snap throw to the plate that nailed Greg Bird. Those were studied and, when necessary, overruled by video replay. But balls and strikes are another matter. And throughout the series, the strike zones shimmied like Shakira, with huge impacts on the outcomes. Over and over, home plate umps seemed swayed by crowds that were louder and wilder than anyone had seen all year. They talk about a "tenth man." The home plate umpires became just that.

It showed on the Fox automated strike zone grids, which often contradicted the calls. I'm not saying machine strike zones are perfect, but at least they don't move like a butterfly. And for Houston's junk-ballers - Dallas Keuchel and Lance McCullers, in particular - those shifting zones turned October into Christmas.

I wonder if somewhere in the world of science, there will be a pitch-by-pitch analysis of the series. It's right there for anyone with copy of the Fox broadcasts. And to be clear: I'm not saying the umps consciously favored either team. I just think they were unconsciously swayed by the crowds, and it became the real home field advantage. 

As an old fart dinosaur from another era, I hate to see humanity replaced by machines. But that doesn't have to happen in baseball. There will always be the need for a home plate ump - calling balks, controlling the pace, settling disputes, etc. And if we as a nation are moving toward driverless cars and drone-delivered pizza, we damn well ought to be able to perfect the automated strike zone. It would have made a fair ALCS... something we did not see. So the series is starting? Who cares? I've gone bobbing.

51 comments:

  1. The Fox automated grids really pissed me off. it was worse than useless. I thought, who puts the grid where it is? who decided that was the strike zone? Some kid in the control both? Did MLB consider the grid the actual strike zone? If MLB placed the grid and considered it the actual strike zone, why not use it to call balls and strikes? I have no idea!!!

    all the grid accomplished was mass confusion and controversy, at least for people who actually think about things from time to time. I hope they don't use that stupid bullshit during the WS.

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  2. the home plate umpires were playing like Pavaroti to the crowds

    I think you meant "playing like Enrico Pallazzo to the crowds".

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  3. Thanks for the great laugh, LBJ!

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  4. Hilarious indeed, LBJ!

    I have to say, I'm for the automatic strike zone. Used to be, we were told Umpire so-and-so had his "own" strike zone, but at least he called it consistently.

    I always thought that was like NFL refs having their "own" version of 10 yards. "Hey, he only requires eight yards for a first down, but at least he calls it that way every time!"

    Now we have the special home discounts. Enough, already. Give us the grid.

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  5. Meanwhile, Mickey Callaway...

    The oddly spelled name, the moustache, the eager, earnest grin...it all says yet another Mets manager done in two years.

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  6. PREACH DUQUE PREACH

    I can't say as much about how it got called in the Bronx cause I was lucky enough to be at a few of those, but the ball/strike calls in Houston were absurd.

    This was either MLB backing the Astros or home field advantage being pretty decisive (again I can't really speak to Yankee Stadium). If it was home field advantage, then that means the Red Socks robbed this one from us with their Apple Watches. Prior to that report, I wondered how they were dominating us. We seemed so much better. The NYT report and the postseason seem to confirm their cheatery. Without it, we likely could have had home field advantage for ourselves.

    I was ranting about the balls/strikes in Houston all series. Even the Fox crew acknowledged it a bunch and they're hardly on our side. For me, this post is the ultimate. One of the things i love about the John Sterling Blogspot is that you're tough on the Yankees. Fair, but tough. You're the last guys I'd expect to falsely raise this issue.

    To paraphrase the Gladiator, we're the fans of a murdered season and (next season) we will have our vengeance!

    GRACIAS DUQUE


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  7. KD gallumphs again. The grids are precisely calculated with the use of laser postioning to take into account the dimensions of the plate and the height of the player.

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  8. Why, oh why, am I not surprised that Stat-Boy loves the grids?? ...and, wooooh, he said the magic word - - "LASER!!" THAT should end the argument right there - - who are we, to question laser technology?? I'm sure that Stat-Boy loves the exit-velo and distance measurements, too - - couldn't be done without lasers. I just hope they're more accurate than the ones we shoot down missiles with - - not to mention the ones they use to measure your speed in your vehicle. Now that I think of it, they have been trying for years to find one which would track an LP accurately, without melting the vinyl, nor creating dirt into sound...(yeah, I know that there's one high-end company selling a laser-tracking turntable). ALL HAIL THE GREAT LASER!! How did the game of BB ever survive without it??

    As for the balls & strikes in Houston: yes, I thought the ump in the first game there was soooo enchanted by Keuchel that he was giving him pitches off both corners - - Tanaka, not so much...and, re: McCullers: the umps were giving him pitches that were clearly below the strike-zone - - grid or no grid. Guess they love that ol' 12-to-6.

    Cool click-bait, LBJ - - gee, Palazzo (damn, another ump with an Italian name (who cares what the article says) - - he looks a lot like Leslie Nielsen, n'est-ce-pas??
    ...and the "please don't call me Shirley"...seems as if that author has been watching him some good, classic "Airplane" comedies.

    I, for another, will not be watching their western fiasco - - I'm gonna' go chase me some vinyl - - and maybe I'll play it with a cactus-needle, or somethin'. LB (No J)

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  9. If you would have told me at the beginning of the year that el duque would be calling for an automated strike zone, and using Fox technology to support his argument, I’d have said “no way, Joe Girardi.” I am sorry, Dear Leader. Other than the occasional overuse of turns of phrase like “tweaked a gonad”, I treat almost every word on this site as my Yankee creed, but I respectfully disagree on this one. Computers calling balls and strikes would rip the soul right out of the game. Zeros and ones belong on the scoreboard, not behind the plate. Yours in Sterling, IBW

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  10. I'm Bill White--the soul of the game is fairness--and letting the outcome of the contest hinge on the skills of the athletes, not the incompetence of the officials.

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  11. I understand your point of view. I just happen to disagree.

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  12. I join you, IBW - - in the name of fairness, some of the younger, more tech-oriented fans would suck the soul right out of the game. With an automaton calling balls & strikes, it would STILL depend on the accuracy of the people that aimed their lasers - - and/or lenses - - but, then, you would have no recourse, whatever. How dull.

    Sorry, Duque, I can't join you on this one...

    One other aspect that I think they DO need to do something about is the "check-swing" - - we have seen some absolutely egregious calls on check-swings (sound familiar, Hunter Wendelstat?? Huh, Randazzo?? etc., ad nauseam). They often make my blood boil; I think that rule needs to be changed. LB (No J)

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  13. One of the infuriating things about watching football is the egregious guessing that referees do when spotting the ball after a play. To me, it's maddening, especially since we have such easy access to technology that would be far more accurate and just as fast.

    In baseball, the laser technology is advanced enough to make more consistent strike zones and eliminate the guesswork on check swings. I'm all for it, and I'll go out on a limb to predict that we'll see some version of it fairly soon. (As Gregg Easterbrook would say, all predictions guaranteed or your money back.)

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  14. I'm Bill White--normally it's not enough to disagree with a viewpoint, but to make counterarguments. There's nothing romantic about incompetence or about the ways in which it can foil the legitimate achievements of athletes and thwart or reverse legitimate outcomes. That's just dispiriting and dysfunctional--nothing soulful about it. The soul of baseball is the players. They deserve the best possible technology for fairly judging their on-field achievements. Nobody really gives a shit about umpires--they are a necessary evil.

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  15. Who said I was normal? I’m a Yankee fan.

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  16. Difference between the Yankees and first-rate organizations, Part I:

    "Farhan Zaidi [General Manager of the Dodgers)was born on November 11, 1976 in Sudbury, Ontario, Canada to a family of Pakistani ancestry. He was raised in the Philippines after his family moved to Manila when he was four years old.[1][2] He has a Bachelor of Science degree from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology and a doctorate of philosophy (PhD) in economics from the University of California, Berkeley.[3] He briefly worked for the Boston Consulting Group and the Sporting News website between MIT and Berkeley."

    Brian Cashman eked out an undergraduate degree, with no distinction, on an athletic scholarship from the Catholic University of America. His chief qualification atop that was being the son of one of Steinbrenner's friends.

    This is a trend you will see extended in other parts of this series.

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  17. BASEBALL NEEDS TO GO TO AN AUTOMATED STRIKE ZONE.

    EVERY UMP HAS A DIFFERENT IDEA OF THE ZONE.

    EL DUQUE IS SPOT ON ABOUT UMPIRES LEANING HOME TEAM (ALTHOUGH NOT TRYING TO).

    MAKING THE ZONE UNIVERSAL SHOULD CUT OUT THE UNPLEASANT DISAGREEMENTS AND BICKERING BETWEEN BATTER AND UMP.

    WHAT IS THE DOWN SIDE?

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  18. Tonight's opener showed just how much MLB is missing by not having, well, US in it.

    A game completely devoid of drama that managed to seem long even though it was short.

    The pitchers dominated, save for three home runs. No tension, no nuthin'.

    Not having the home-field advantage this time, I think the Astros are doomed...and so what?
    There is little but complete blandness about both these teams.

    Meanwhile, T-Mobile managed to get in the first in-game ads ever, pretending they were about
    Puerto Rican relief, and Fox barely got back in time for the first pitch of every inning. Terrific.

    Funny line of the night, from Joe Buck:
    "Before this series is over, because of the shift against him, McCann is going to have to figure out
    how to get some hits from the opposite field."

    Hilarious! In three years, he never did that for us. Why should he start now?

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  19. "WHAT IS THE DOWN SIDE?"

    The next Tom Glavine will not play major league baseball. Nor will the next Greg Maddux. Nor will the next Andy Pettitte. The next CC Sabathia's career will be over by the time he turns 30. Relatively soft tossing pitchers who rely on out-thinking the hitter, and often as not the umpire, will be a thing of the past. They're on the way out as it is. Much as it pains me to say it, Hinch should be applauded for recognizing that McCullers' junk was effective with this umpiring crew against this particular Yankees' line-up. With an automated strike zone, we'll see nothing but flamethrowing 20-30 year olds on the hill facing hitters who are conditioned from little league to swing at nothing but heaters down the middle. The trend toward home runs, walks and Ks...the revered 3 true outcomes...will accelerate. In that event major league baseball will truly become a boring, predictable, nearly automated slog. Automating the strike zone is the single worst innovation major league baseball can make.

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  20. ALERT!... ALERT!..... IIHIIFIIC FANS!

    THERE IS SOMETHING BREWING BETWEEN THE YANKEES AND JOE GIRARDI....

    ......AND IT MAY BE SHOCKING.

    HE WAS SEEN AT AT YANKEE STADIUM, AND LEFT ABRUPTLY YESTERDAY.

    NUMEROUS EMAILS FROM DIFFERENT REPORTERS ON GIRARDI'S STATUS WERE NOT ANSWERED FROM EITHER GIRARDI OR THE TEAM.

    IN HIS MOST RECENT INTERVIEW HE WAS ASKED IF HE REALIZED IT MAY BE THE LAST TIME HE HAS CC SABATHIA AS AS A PLAYER, AND HE IMMEDIATELY STARTED CRYING.....

    CRYING?...... WHY?

    WE MAY HAVE BEEN AFRAID TO LET GIRARDI GO MOSTLY BECAUSE EITHER THE METS OR RED SOX SEEMED SO EAGER TO PICK HIM UP, (IF HE SUCCEEDED WITH EITHER TEAM, IT WOULD LOOK HORRIBLE)...... BUT NOW SINCE BOTH TEAMS HIRED THEIR NEW MANAGERS, THERE IS NOTHING TO FEAR IN LETTING HIM GO.

    AS I HAVE STATED MANY TIMES, I LIKE GIRARDI AS A PERSON.

    ...... BUT I TRULY BELIEVE WE CAN BE BETTER WITHOUT HIM.

    JOHN M., ALPHONSO, HOSS AND OTHERS....

    WEIGH IN!


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  21. PREVIOUS anonymous....

    YOU JUST EXPLAINED HOW BASEBALL IS RIGHT NOW..... MOSTLY "BORING WITH HOME RUNS, WALKS, AND STRIKEOUTS WITH 20-30 YEAR OLD FLAMETHROWERS FACING HITTERS CONDITIONED THROUGH LITTLE LEAGUE TO SWING AT HEATERS DOWN THE MIDDLE"!- (DID YOU WATCH LAST NIGHT'S WS GAME)?

    IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED, THERE ALMOST AREN'T ANY "SOFT TOSSERS" ANY MORE IN MLB.
    ..,..AND THERE WON'T BE IN THE FUTURE.

    WHY WILL PITCHERS LIKE TOM GLAVINE, GREG MADDUX, ANDY PETTITTE, AND CC SABATHIA NOT BE SUCCESSFUL WITH AN AUTOMATED STRIKE ZONE?

    WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?..... THAT THOSE GREAT PITCHERS "FOOLED" THE UMPIRES ALL THOSE YEARS, AND WEREN'T REALLY THROWING TRUE "STRIKES"?

    YOUR ARGUMENT DOESN'T HOLD ANY WATER.

    AN AUTOMATED STRIKE ZONE IS THE WAY TO GO. (A STRIKE SHOULD BE A STRIKE AND A BALL SHOULD BE A BALL)....IT'S SIMPLER THAN YOUR'E MAKING IT OUT TO BE.

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  22. Dearest PREVIOUS,

    I'll respond to each block:

    Block 1: Observe the adverb "truly" in the relevant paragraph of mine. It does a lot of work.

    Block 2: I know. That's a shame, but absent a rule change to an automated strike zone there may be more crafty soft tossers soon. Pitching to soft contact and befuddling a generation and a half of fastball sitters may soon be recognized as an undervalued skill. Or at least it should be. If there's an automated strike zone, that style of pitcher doesn't have a chance. That style of pitcher's goal is to NOT throw strikes, to induce the hitter to swing at bad pitches. The means to make this happen are various, but to some extent they all involve spending plenty of time outside the strike zone and "fooling" the hitter and the ump. It's a time honored pitching skill which will be eliminated by the automated strike zone.

    Block 3: See response 2. Glavine in particular never threw a strike unless he absolutely had to.

    Block 4: To a remarkable extent, yes.

    Block 5: No it's not & no it isn't.

    And finally, to really piss off the 21st century technologists: pitching is an art, not a science. It should be evaluated accordingly.

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  23. Pitcher
    by Robert Francis

    His art is eccentricity, his aim
    How not to hit the mark he seems to aim at,

    His passion how to avoid the obvious,
    His technique how to vary the avoidance.

    The others throw to be comprehended. He
    Throws to be a moment misunderstood.

    Yet not too much. Not errant, arrant, wild,
    But every seeming aberration willed.

    Not to, yet still, still to communicate
    Making the batter understand too late.

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  24. anonymous.....

    YOU LOST ME WHEN YOU WROTE "THAT STYLE PITCHER'S GOAL IS TO NOT THROW STRIKES....."

    EVERY PITCHER'S GOAL AND #1 PRIORITY IS TO THROW STRIKES, NO MATTER HOW HARD OR SOFT YOU THROW.

    I PITCHED IN HIGH SCHOOL, AND COLLEGE BALL.... I WAS KNOWN AS A "SOFT TOSSER".... BUT MY CURVE AND MY ABILITY TO THROW STRIKES, IS WHAT GOT ME THERE.

    IN THE IMMORTAL WORDS OF SOFT TOSSING LEFTY EDDIE BANE, "I THROW JUST AS HARD AS EVERYONE ELSE.... IT JUST TAKES LONGER TO GET THERE."

    ANY PITCHER CAN NEVER AVOID THROWING STRIKES, anonymous.

    JUST ASK DELLIN.

    THE AUTOMATED STRIKE ZONE CAN WORK.

    EVERYONE WILL NEED TO ADJUST.

    BOTTOM LINE?

    THE GAME IS STILL THE SAME. A STRIKE IS A STRIKE, AND A BALL IS A BALL (NO MATTER WHAT KIND OF SABER METRIC OR POETRY IS OUT THERE).

    RESPECTFULLY.....

    ALL CAPS.

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  25. I'd really like to know what a strike actually is. I've heard between the knees and the letters. Center of knee? top of knee? If above the knee, how far? top of letters? bottom of letters? In the middle somewhere? All teams have letters in the same places? is zone determined as a player stands upright? Or in his stance? what about players with a pronounced crouch? (think Pete Rose)

    I can see MLB measuring each ball player to determine his exact strike zone and using those measurements each time he comes to bat. But if a player changes his stance, does that change his strike zone.

    kind of sounds like pornography, doesn't it. Can't tell you what a strike is but I know it when I see it! :-)

    simple thinkers like sassy anon just say "lasers! it's done with lasers!" no shit. try harder dork.

    One thing I'd miss if the game went this way would be the occasional Earl Weaver-like tantrum spurred by an egregious call. Sadly, those days would be gone forever.

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  26. Further confirmation that KD is an idiot--he has yet to discover Google:

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Strike_zone

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  27. The idea that enforcing the known rules of the game will be a detriment to baseball is the knee-slapper du jour. Dallas Keuchel is a "soft-tosser" who is doing just fine, thank you, with the current more strictly enforced zone. The "new" C. C. Sabathia has also been doing just fine--the idea is to hit the corners of the zone, not to throw balls and then get the rules changed to accommodate your lack of command. And Lance McCullers's "junk" includes a fastball that consistently hovers around 95 mph, genius.

    Besides--you could have an automated plate ump that called pitches two inches out of the zone in every direction--so even the logorrheic sophistry of the guy who wants to render obsolete the notion of "getting the ball over the plate" is not an argument against an automated zone. Unless, of course, he just wants human umps so they can cheat for his favorite junkball pitchers and make sure they can feed their families at the expense of the integrity of the game.

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  28. Speaking of which, KD, that to me was one of the main failings of our favorite manager this year: not enough Earl Weaver-like tantrums spurred by egregious bad calls, especially in defense of our gentle giant.

    Every single time another ump throws up his hands and says, 'Ah, gee, I've never seen a galoot this big. As long as the ball's in the same zip code, gents, it's a strike!'—our manager should be all over him, instead of weeping some more over how it was he could possibly get booed in New York City.

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  29. Dammint!Dammit!Dammit!Dammint!Dammit!Dammit!Dammint!Dammit!Dammit!Dammint!Dammit!Dammit!Dammint!Dammit!Dammit!Dammint!Dammit!Dammit!Dammint!Dammit!Dammit!Dammint!Dammit!Dammit!Dammint!Dammit!Dammit!Dammint!Dammit!Dammit!Dammint!Dammit!Dammit!Dammint!Dammit!Dammit!Dammint!Dammit!Dammit!Dammint!Dammit!Dammit!Dammint!Dammit!Dammit!Dammint!Dammit!Dammit!Dammint!Dammit!Dammit!Dammint!Dammit!Dammit!Dammint!Dammit!Dammit!Dammint!Dammit!Dammit!Dammint!Dammit!Dammit!Dammint!Dammit!Dammit!Dammint!Dammit!Dammit!Dammint!Dammit!Dammit!

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  30. To TheWinWarblist:

    Shutup!Shutup!Shutup!Shutup!Shutup!Shutup!Shutup!Shutup!Shutup!Shutup!Shutup!Shutup!Shutup!Shutup!Shutup!Shutup!Shutup!Shutup!Shutup!Shutup!Shutup!Shutup!Shutup!Shutup!Shutup!Shutup!Shutup!Shutup!Shutup!Shutup!

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  31. Four small wireless electrodes. With motion capture tech, the strike zone can be perfect every time.

    Sorry if Anonymous already made that point; I don't read him unless it's ALL-CAPS.

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  32. Mustang--you don't need to bother with attaching electrodes to players. See the following:

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/PITCHf/x

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  33. I think I get it, Anon, but how does that address the difference in strike zones between Judge and, say, Torreyes?

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  34. I'll see Brother Anonymous' charge of logorrehic sophistry and raise him a charge of pedantic didacticism. His appeal to the integrity of major league baseball, of all things, is charming but unimaginative. But that's fine. It's only baseball after all. It's not as if his complementary lack of appreciation for unintended consequences might contribute to real harm. Not in this context, anyway.



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  35. What unintended consequences? That the game will become fairer, its outcomes less compromised by ineptitude and human error in officiating? But wait--those are intended consequences. You haven't cited any cogent unintended consequences--I refuted them all in my last post, and you didn't respond to a single one. You just slathered on a few more pretentious adjectives, but mustered no examples, facts, or logical reasoning against my counterpoints. Another commenter who evidently failed seventh-grade composition class.

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  36. The technology established the objective strike zone. Then it can be tweaked for each batter based on his natural stance. That's how it's done now. They don't post the same size box (vertically) on TV for Torreyes and Judge.

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  37. Thanks for the link princess you are almost as handy as Siri. It seems to be saying the strike zone depends on the batter’s stance. An upright stance must have a taller zone. A crouched stance shorter. Therefore the strike zone must be dynamic and could change during an at bat. Yet all I see is a ridged box on TV. They call that the strike zone? ‘Stang’s idea really could provide an accurate and dynamic strike zone.

    Get it snowflake?

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  38. Brother Anonymous used slathered and mustered in the same sentence, then accused me of failing seventh grade composition. That's brave. But to be fair, I suppose striving for a more pleasant prose style usually comes a bit later in life. At any rate, besides the likelihood that pitching styles which rely on exploiting a hitter's or a lineup's aggressiveness will be fatally undermined by an automated strike zone (refuted, allegedly, by the fact that Lance McCullers Jr is capable of occassionally throwing a mid 90s fastball), another unintended consequence will be the elimination of pitch framing as a measure of value for catchers. Appreciation of pitch framing is in its relative infacy, admittedly, but it is a fascinating area of study which promises to enhance our understanding of the compelling, complex and mysterious interaction among pitcher, catcher and umpire. Good riddance, some may say, but I'm not sure the MLBPA, for example, will agree.

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  39. And what's wrong with using those two words in the same sentence? That combination violates no rules of usage or grammar (you slathered one thing, but failed to muster another--not used about the same thing, moron)--it's a perfect evocation of your empty pompous wheel-spinning. And what makes you think I strive for pleasantnesss? Am I your clown? You want me to please you? Here's what I do every time I respond to you: I take a giant dump on your fragile self-esteem and make you wish you hadn't reared your flat head in public on subjects you know nothing about. Your literary pretensions are about on a par with your analytical pretensions--both occupying the ground floor of the Grand Hotel Abgrund (see the collected works of György Lukács in case you missed the allusion, which I'm sure you did).

    Your line of argumentation falls as flat as your comical aspiration to high-toned asperity--you are the Gore Vidal of obsessive Internet losers--that's the only distinction you'll ever attain in the realm of letters. You just come off as a pretentious jerk who knows nothing about baseball and probably never took a course in logic or advanced mathematics--or flunked if you did.

    So listen up, imbecile: good pitchers, even ones with pinpoint control, can induce all kinds of over-aggressive batters to flail at pitches WAY outside the strike zone, all the time. This has been happening only dozens of times a day, every day of the season, even since the strike zone was tightened up in the post-Glavine era. The problem with the strike zone now is not that it is not inflated as in those palmy days of a two-foot lateral, subjective zone of your wet dreams--the problem is that on close pitches--those within an inch or two of the zone--umpires lack the consistent acuity to make the calls consistently. The closer the pitch, the lower their rate of accuracy, across the board. NEVERTHELESS, MORON--hitters like Adam Jones are waving at bad pitches all season long. They would be waving no more or less if the MLB decided to re-expand the strike zone--and if it decided to re-inflate the zone, it could do it WITH HUMAN UMPIRES OR MACHINES. Your nostaglia for the two-foot lateral zone is therefore entirely irrelevant to this discussion--the preoccupation of a pompous dufus who cannot grasp this simple basic fact.

    As for pitch framing--who gives a shit? That's only adaptation to the fallibility and inconsistencies of umpires. If you want a giant zone to accommodate some future Glavine, that can be accomplished as readily with robotic ball-strike calls. Got that, genius?

    Now--let's put this discussion to a merciful rest by noting that you have to be the stupidest piece of shit ever to affect an air of snobbery on this or any other blog. That disinction is your only accomplishment here. Now go frame that, dumbass.

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  40. Since you're such a big fat ripe pinata, I though I would take a few more swipes at you to humble you into silence. You like the "romantic" variability of the human perceived strike zone? But some umpires might therefore have a NARROWER than standard zone--thus thwarting your future Glavine even more. Then what, moron? If you want a CONSISTENTLY wider zone, the best way to achieve that would be with a robot umpire.

    Now do us all a favor and confer your brain-damaged splatter on some other deserving group that thrives on sadistic ridicule of idiots like you.

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  41. As Brother Anonymous must be aware, one may slather mustard on a hotdog. In that case the juxtaposition of slathered and mustard's homonym "mustered" in a sentence providing the foundation for a criticism of poor written composition, while not formally objectionable, is amusing. His inability or unwillingness to understand this is less so, and cannot help but undermine whatever valid points he may have made within his usual farrago of ad hominem attacks. One potentially interesting point...his contention that an automated strike zone can be adjusted as prudence may dictate. That's reassuring, but begs the question, why bother then? Any adjustment of the strike zone which is not completely consistent with the current strike zone as written in the rule book would itself be a human judgement, arguably undertaken a bit more dispassionately, but no less artbitrarly, than the worst Laz Diaz outrage. Finally, if I'm Gore Vidal in this little affair, he must be Norman Mailer. I'm sure he'll take that as a compliment. What choice does he have?

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  42. LOL! "Muster" has no etymological connection to "mustard." Here's the etymology of "muster":

    Middle English mustre, from Anglo-French mostre, monstre, from mustrer

    Here's the etymology of "mustard":

    Middle English, from Anglo-French mustarde, from must must, from Latin mustum

    Exactly zero etymological or semantic confluence--just the accident of phonetic similarity. And of course many other things besides mustard can be slathered--such as your nonstop buffooneries on this blog.

    What other hilarities do you wish to perpetrate tonight? I didn't say you were Gore Vidal--I said you ASPIRE to be the Gore Vidal of Internet losers.

    Moreover, "beg the question" applies to a specific logical fallacy, not to a point left unaddressed in a train of thought. Now you object to a potential widening of the strike zone via machine because THAT TOO would be a human judgment. Then that's all to the good, right? But now you're fretting about human judgment, whereas earlier it was your only hope for rescuing the "soul" of the game. Get back to us, idiot, when you get your story straight. And next time try addressing the counterpoints I addressed to you instead of dodging them pell-mell like dishonest intellectual fraud.

    Your middlebrow stupidity is SLATHERED over every one of your posts--because you cannot MUSTER a coherent thought or a logical inference or a relevant example. There's nothing ad hominem about correctly identifying an ignoramus and jerk when he pops into view. And you don't need a machine to make that call.

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  43. Brother Anonymous should look up "homonym" while he's doing his research. A crueler person than me would suggest he look up "irony" and "self-awareness" too.

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  44. HA--Mr. Bullshit Artist dodges every point leveled at him, all of which toppled once and for all his tinker-toy edifice of illogic, ignorance of the English language (slather, muster, beg the question, etc.), pointless flogging of his zeal for a strike zone the size of Wyoming, and his bizarre prohibition on having two words in a sentence if one of them remotely sounds like another word with which it has zero semantic or etymylogical connection--a "rule" of style that could emerge only from a swamp of stupidity that is even deeper and wider than the strike zone he dreams of. You want irony and self-awareness? Survey the chaotic vomitorium you have perpetrated in the foregoing posts, all to give testimony to your yearnings for the good old days when Tom Glavine had his way with all the NL umpires. Which gives rise to the thought--is your obsession with homonym related to your passion for Glavine? After all, they both contain the sound "homo," and you keep bringing him up like a lovelorn high-school girl collecting photos of her dream prom date. Is that enough of a HOMO-nym for you, dumbass?

    In brief, as for the brazen, multiform ineptitudes and hilarious pretensions of this lonely dunce: QED.

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  45. I had thought to conclude my portion of this dialogue with remarks about Brother Anonymous demanding fastballs down the middle, while I preferred to nibble at, or just off, the corners, seeing what the ump would give me. As satisfying as it might have been to enlighten Brother Anonymous about what actually has been taking place here during gm 2 of the world series, I must confess that I'm not sure he'd understand. Disappointingly, the only thing left to do, after Brother Anonymous' gleeful virtual gay-bashing missive, is apologize to Norman Mailer's ghost.

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  46. Gay-bashing? I said you MIGHT be a homo, but only YOU implied that there might be anything wrong with that. If you jerk off to photos of Tom Glavine, more power to you--or probably less power to you, at least in the immediate aftermath. I was simply obliging you in your childlike dunce's fascination with homonymic coincidences in a sentence. Surely your delight in such synchronicities cannot have flagged so quickly? Or maybe the flagging has more to do with your post-orgasmic fantasies about Tommy?

    You're just being modest. Your boilerplate identity-politics sanctimony won't win you any sympathy--you're an illogical, stupid, middlebrow, illiterate jerk whose been given his just deserts--but in your case, Mr. "I LOVE TOM HOMO-nym-phomaniac," you really merit your just desserts: a whipped cream pie in the face, tailor-made for a braying, pompous clown like you.

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  47. I see that Bozo The Button Buster is back.

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  48. what is it with this putz, the one who signs off as QED? He/She/It occasionally has something to say that adds to the conversation but then inexplicably veers off into attack mode, picking on poor public school lads such as yours truly but also anonymities of superior quality that end up tearing IT a new A-Hole? Listen up, sassy! Go get yourself some help before you put a bullet in your tormented brain. Or before somebody else does it for you (out of compassion, of course).

    They shoot horses, don't they?

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  49. Two Anonymouses fighting is kind of hot.

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  50. THIS HAS TO BE THE MOST ASININE, RIDICULOUS, AND DOPIEST BUNCH OF POSTS ON THIS THREAD I HAVE EVER READ.....

    GALLUMPHS
    LOGORREHIC SOPHISTRY
    PEDANTIC DIDACTICISM
    JUXTAPOSITION
    FARRAGO AD HOMINEM
    ETYMOLOGICAL
    MULTIFORM INEPTITUDES

    CAN WE JUST KEEP IT SIMPLE HERE?

    WE ALL NEED TO WATCH MORE YANKEE GAMES.

    I LOVE WATCHING YANKEE GAMES.

    MISSING IT ALREADY.



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  51. I really want the world to know about this great man who brought back happiness into my life again after my husband left me and the kids 3 years ago for another women online when i contacted Dr Believe he cast a love spell for me within 48 hours my ex husband start calling me and begging for forgiveness for everything that have happened between us. I was so happy to have my family back together with love again here is the email of Dr Believe via believelovespelltemple@gmail.com a man with the great powers you can also call him or add him on Whats-app: +2348156148821
    God bless you
    I am very grateful for your help in my marriage.


    ReplyDelete

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