Meanwhile, in Queens....

(From commentator HoraceClarke66)

Meanwhile, there is always the Mets' braintsrust:

News Item: Mets may pursue Japanese two-way star Shohei Ohtani.

https://nypost.com/2017/11/15/sandy-alderson-explains-mets-level-of-interest-in-shohei-ohtani/

We now take you deep into the bowels of the stadium formerly known as Shea, where the Mets’ crack braintrust, Jeff “Wooster” Wilpon and Sandy “Jeeves” Alderson plot their strategy for pursuing Shohei Ohtani.

Wooster Wilpon rushes down into the Mets’ Special Crack Strategy Room, a copy of the New York Post in hand. He cracks his head on the lintel, but charges in anyway, tossing the paper down on the table where Jeeves Alderson is arranging and re-arranging players’ names.

WOOSTER: Jeeves, did you see this outrageous drivel?

JEEVES: Are you referring to the editorials, sir?

W: (puzzled) “Editorials,” Jeeves?

J: Never mind, sir.

W: (squinting at Alderson) I say, Jeeves, what ARE you doing?

J: Preparing our offer for Giancarlo Stanton, sir.

W: (Turning bright red and clutching his heart) GIANCARLO STANTON?! But, but, he has a $295 million contract, Jeeves!

J: Yes, sir.

W: We can’t afford to pay that!

J: No, sir.

W: (Frowning) So what ARE you offering for him?

J: Two middle relievers, sir, a Christmas ham, and an infielder who I believe goes by the appellation of Asdrubal Cabrera.

W: (Trying to place the name) “Asdrubal Cabrera.” Where have I heard that before?

J: He will be our third baseman this year, sir.

W: That’s right! So—do you expect that the Marlins to accept your offer?

J: The Christmas ham IS awfully alluring, sir. But no, sir, I do not expect Mr. Jeter to accept the offer.

W: (Relieved) Oh, that’s good, Jeeves. (Frowns again) So, why are you making it then?

J: So that our fans will think we are actually doing something, sir.

W: Brilliant, Jeeves! Absolutely brilliant! (Remembers what he came for, and rattles the Post at him) But what about THIS?

J: A deplorable publication, sir. And the print comes off on one’s hands.

W: No, Jeeves! I mean where it says you haven’t “ruled out pursuing” this Oriental individual!

J: Indeed, sir. In the same sense that I have not “ruled out pursuing” Ms. Eva Mendes, should she present herself at the door and beg me to accompany her to the opera.

W: (Points to “newspaper” again) But it says here, Jeeves, that we will have to post $20 million just to compete for this Nipponese hurler!

J: “Posting” does not involve the transfer of any actual money, sir. (He picks up a Monopoly money twenty, and writes ‘MILLION’ on it.) Do you see, sir? We might as well be giving them this.

W: (Cautiously pocketing the Monopoly money, before rapping his “newspaper” again.) But it says in here that you think “it’s going to be fascinating to see what happens.”

J: Yes, sir. In the sense that we are all fascinated by the roilings and writhings of the great world.

W: But you say, “I don’t think there is a downside into looking into it.” Well, what about THAT, Jeeves? No downside, eh?

J: And if you will kindly read the next part of the quote, sir…

W: (Reads) “I think the only downside is creating a false set of expectations among fans that have to be tempered. This guy can go to any one of 30 teams.”

J: Exactly, sir.

W: (Looks puzzled) I don’t understand, Jeeves. Are you saying that our fans need to be tempered, or their expectations?

J: Exactly, sir.

W: They have you saying: ‘”the foundation is baseball, but it’s entertainment and to see somebody with talent do potentially what others have not been able to do, that will be an exciting experience for the team involved, as well as the rest of baseball.’

Why, this sort of gibberish could come right out of the mouths of that bloke on “Game of Thrones.” You know—the one who is always speaking in the third person, and throwing around people’s spare faces!

J: Thank you, sir.