If you're old enough to remember Yogi or Billy, or Major Ralph Houk, or even Casey himself - whose 1959 firing was supposed to bring a sea change in baseball culture - you lived through a carnival midway of Bromo-Seltzer guzzling gasbags who used booze as blood pressure medication. They spat obscenities like water from a fire hose - google "Tommy Lasorda" and "Kurt Bevaqua" - and went into hyper-human rages - see "Earl Weaver" and "Bill Haller" - if a call went against them. They were crazy uncles, shaved gorillas, walking heart attacks - always on the chopping block. For most of the last century, the successful managerial personality type could be characterized as "Screaming Angry Gerbil."
No more. (Good grief, to "bond" as a team, Joe Girardi used to take his players bowling.) But what we saw yesterday from Aaron Boone - and this isn't a knock on him, by the way - was the soothing, tranquilizing pitter-patter of a human Lunesta tablet. As Boone spoke, a dazed trance came over the assembled Gammonites, and you could feel free to climb aboard the smooth joyride into nothingness. Yes, managing the Yankees was his dream come true! Yes, he's already reaching out to players. Yes, he's loves Gary Sanchez. Yes, Harrisburg is the capital of Pennsylvania. Yes, yes, yes... and everywhere, Rupert Murdoch, owner of the YES Network, heard the owl call its name.
Let me repeat: This is not to criticize Aaron Boone. His job as manager/corporate spokesman will be to douse fires, not start them. And when the Yankee-owned media is asking the questions, be assured that a Yankee-owned pro mouthpiece will be on the answering end. And if you ever thought that Joe II - during visits to pizza parlors on The Joe Girardi Show - sidestepped issues, well, I got a feeling we aint heard nottin' yet. Since retiring in 2009, Boone's job has been to sit in front of a microphone and say as much as possible about as little as possible. You thought he was filling in for Muzak? Nah. He was auditioning for manager.
Listen: This is fine. In hiring Aaron Boone, the Yankees want to achieve Insipidipity. That is, no question will be answered in fewer than 300 sweet-smelling words, and if someone jogs out a grounder, it will be handled in the showers, not the media room. The 2018 Yankees are expected to win. In 2017, they won nearly two out of every four tabloid back pages - a staggering dominance of the largest sports market in America. They are assured of huge gates and strong TV ratings, with epic sales of swag. The machine does not need a fiery figure at the top. If they win, Boone will provide the soundtrack, and based on yesterday's show, it'll sound a lot like Enya. So be it. We have no choice but to take the pill. Yawn. I feel... sleepy....
Sometimes, the 21st-century really sucks.
ReplyDeletethat Earl Weaver argument with Haller is about as good as it gets.
ReplyDeleteI hear Boone has a tattoo on his back.
ReplyDelete"Do not drive a motor vehicle or operate heavy machinery when listening to Aaron Boone. Listening to Aaron Boone may cause drowsiness, impaired motor functions, and lack or coordination. If you listen to Aaron Boone for more than four hours, call your doctor.:
and the Lasorda speech isn't bad, either
ReplyDeletewe men have been almost totally domesticated in the last 4 decades. maybe that's a good thing but one thing's for certain: it's a lot less fun out there.
ReplyDeleteGot drunk with Earl Weaver once during a taping of Battle of the Network Stars. My favorite part was when he asked me if I wanted a Gin and Tonic and I said, "Sure" and he said, "Waiter! Three!"
ReplyDeleteDoug K.
Enya?? URK. LB (No J)
ReplyDeleteDOUG K....
ReplyDeleteTHAT IS FUNNY SHIT ABOUT YOU AND EARL WEAVER...
LOL
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HR8L_OW7kbY
ReplyDeleteStengal was fired after the 1960 series. Not in 1959.
ReplyDeleteI don't know how you feel about the Yankee roster getting participation trophies this year...
ReplyDeleteWeaver once said that of course he could get along with any owner. He said that once when he was dead broke, he was working construction, and his boss hated him so much he threw sand in his eyes. He came back the next day. Baseball, comparatively speaking, was a piece of cake.
ReplyDeleteHe was one of the few opposing managers who ever struck fear in my pinstriped heart.
As to your main point, I have long felt that all interviews not held in a bar, in the early morning hours, should be banned from the game. Those women on the sideline making " observations, " or asking the player of the game, " how did you feel when you knew that ball was going out?" drive me to drink, and I don't need more incentives.
ReplyDeleteNo player interviews, no manager interviews, no GM interviews. That is how to cut the payroll. Get rid of the people with microphones. Just play the damn games.
Put it on TV and have sounds of the crowd, the bat , the bat and the glove. We can listen to John & Suzyn if we need noise from humans, telling us what we just saw. And, mostly, getting it right.
I have no interest listening to Aaron, or anyone, say meaningless drivel. Life is too short. It is like listening to politicians tell us why the tax package, and the elimination of many health care provisions, will be good for low income Americans.
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