Saturday, January 27, 2018

The Yankees should take A-Rod's comments to heart

The winds are calm, the sky unchanging, and in every direction, we see an endless horizon of sand. This is it: the annual late-January Yankee news desert. The wires are empty with mindless chatter about the Super Bowl and SI swimsuit edition. That nothing is happening Yankeewise is the best that can happen soulwise, because it means Cooperstown Cashman hasn't signed a Todd or traded a Red Thunder. We should take two Ambien and wake up April 1 with everybody intact, but it doesn't work that way. Tick tock...Tick tock. 

Yesterday, in his emerging role as ESPN carny barker, Alex Rodriguez made some succinct and potentially disturbing observations about the 2018 Yankees.

He was talking about the "ramifications" of Giancarlo Stanton joining the team, beyond the hoped-for 50 home runs. A-Rod was describing a NYC media with box-cutters instead of pencils, divisional foes bent on destroying us, and a fan base that expects a 162-0 season. In his constant wailing about "fake news," Donald Trump would do well to ponder A-Rod's simple assessment that great power always brings great scrutiny, and scrutiny always finds a negative. It's not fake news. It's the ways of human history. The 2018 Yankees will play in a media fishbowl, and if they are ever found floating belly-up - even if just for a weekend in May - there will be bloody hell to pay. On the acquisition of Stanton, A-Rod tells the Daily News:

"What does it do to the DH spot? How does that affect Gary Sanchez? It’s like an architect. There’s a lot of moving parts. You can’t put six garages on a 4,000-square-foot house, or eight garages. So it will be very interesting to watch, because what they had last year was so special. As a Yankee fan, you obviously hope it elevates their game.”

Yeah. That certainly is the hope. Because otherwise, the weather will turn nasty. And A-Rod knows nasty. Since coming to Gotham in 2004, he's bathed in Klieg-lit publicity 24-7, with most of it self-induced. If the Yankees didn't generate enough media heat, there were his flings with Madonna, Kate Hudson, Cameron Diaz, that pro wrestling vixen, the software billionaire, and now the ultimate clickbait, J-Lo. (Historians will marvel that he never dipped his toe in a Kardashian sump pond.) Add a steroids scandal and the occasional stupid quote - "To be quite honest, I don't know exactly what substance I was guilty of using."and the man has sold more fish wrap than Arthur Treacher.  

Today, there is a distinct possibility that Gioncarlo or Aaron Judge will inherit the role of A-Rod as the Yahweh of Broadway - the Page 6 celebrity who sits atop the towering shit-pile of gossip, trying to keep it from toppling. How will they react when every girl they dated in high school starts telling tales? What will they do when the Gammonites ask nasty questions, while they're still wearing a golden sombrero? Do they understand that the universe has shifted? A-Rod does. 

Last year, we joyfully watched the Redsock '17 Hall of Fame Superteam of Destiny (TM) collapse under its own hubris, while our lovable overachievers nearly slipped into the World Series. This year, the boulder is on us. CC Sabathia says it's nice to be the Evil Empire once again, and yes, it's fun to enter February with high hopes. But the Yankees should read A-Rod's comments with trepidation, and if there is a takeaway, it should be that the 2018 Yankees need a few young, overachieving rookies in the lineup - not a few ex-stars on the way down. We don't need more expectations. We already have enough, thank you. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go shovel sand out of the driveway.

3 comments:

  1. It's also the desert of soccer...but then isn't it always the desert of soccer?

    Soccer 11, Yanks 1. Ah, January.

    As for A-Rod's observations...yes, it will be hard to get everybody sufficient playing time. But yes, better overstocked than under.

    That's what the Wilpons pretend not to understand out in Queens. Yeah, everything MIGHT go well if no one gets injured or underperforms...but the chances are, that ain't happenin'.

    What's more, for all the media pressure and what have you, the Yankees lineups in A-Rod's prime generally performed superbly. 2004-2011, they always scored runs in bunches.

    What was missing was the same element that makes the muskrat guard his musk, and makes the Hottentot so hot, and puts the ape apricot...pitching.

    This Yankees team has more pitching than any of those Yankees teams A-Rod was on, save for maybe the 2009 version, which...well, just sayin'.

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  2. We can tremble in anticipation, both good and bad, with the specter of Frazier looming over us like outdated cheese. However, there is actually news in Yankeeland:

    TRENTON, N.J. -- The New York Yankees' minor league baseball team in New Jersey is adding a secondary name in honor of the state's favorite processed meat.

    The Trenton Thunder will rebrand the AA affiliate as the Trenton Pork Roll on Friday nights, beginning May 18.

    Yankees prospects like Gleyber Torres will now suit up for the Trenton Pork Rolls on Friday nights.

    Players will wear special uniforms featuring the pork-based product, which is known as Taylor ham.

    Concessions will sell pork roll sandwiches, and pork roll-themed merchandise will be for sale.


    You can't make this stuff up. But it does set up a fantastic international promotional series, perhaps after the minor league is done for the year--the Pork Rolls vs. Japan's Ham Fighters. Think of the extra concessionary possibilities. A live pig on hand, as a prize to a lucky ticket holder. Bacon on everything. Chris Christie throws out the first pitch.

    I'm salivating at the prospect.

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