Behold: The Redsock '18 Hall of Fame $230 Million Superteam of Destiny (TM)

Well, so much for this year. Let's pull the plug, start the tanking process and look to 2020. Can we deal Glyber, Andujar and Justus for prospects? I mean, look at that Boston lineup - look! - now with JD Martinez? It's like The Avengers adding Aquaman. Add an immortal like J-Mar, and, good grief, the season is wicked ovah, bros, fukkin wicked ovah! Flush the toilet and close the stall. I need a drink.

Look at that Redsock '18 Cy Young Hall of Fame Billion Dollar Pitching Staff of Super Destiny (TM), look at it, goddammot! Chris Sale, David Price, Rick Porcello, Doug Fister and Drew Pomeranz... not to mention "Machine Gun" Kelly, who throws, like, 350something miles per hour. They say he's just a change-up tweak away from winning 30. And King Cobra himself, Craig Kimbrel, with the scary eyeballs, and Dusty P, their "Lil Jeet" at 2B. Hit .293 last year with seven longballs! Plus, they'll platoon Hanley Ramirez at 1B, that is, unless they trade him for Madison Bumgarner, straight up. That's it. UNCLE! I cry UNCLE!

Okay, let's lower the Snarkometer. The truth is, we've known since December - the moment we traded for Giancarlo - that Boston would sign Martinez. It's their thing. They will enter 2018 with a payroll north of $230 million - nearly $35 mill higher than ours. That means they'll either sit out next winter's free agent class (Bryce and Manny), or their owner John Henry simply has so much money that he doesn't care. (In which case, he is shaming Hal, whose money supply is closer to infinity than zero.) Ever since the Curse of the Bambino died, one popular theory goes that Boston and the Yankees flipped polarity - they became the hammer and we became the nail. This may be the season that proves or disproves that notion. Could they overpower us simply by spending whatever it takes? If so, we need regime change.

But here are some truths that I believe to be self-evident, and it's why I'll take our chances on this otherwise dark day...

1. Since 2004, the Redsocks have thrived through a powerhouse farm system, which management has, at least temporarily, gutted. Meanwhile, ours is running at full capacity. Were I a Boston fan, I would greatly fear this as the flipping of polarity.

2. The delay in signing Martinez at least kept the Yankees from being pressured into a bad countermove. Yes, I'm talking about Todd Frazier. By waiting until spring training is upon us, Boston failed to trigger the weeks of Gammonitic outcry that the Yankees needed to "keep pace." There remain a few free agents out there - Arrieta, Moustaka, etc. - but we don't need to blow up a long term strategy to "win the winter." (Frankly, I believe we already won it, anyway, forcing Boston to blow up its own long term plan.)

3. The 2018 Redsocks will hinge on pitching, pitching, pitching, which Martinez cannot deliver. After Sales, every one of their all-star starters is a melting ball of Jello pudding. Porcello remains the lamest former Cy Young winner in history, and Price may have permanently attained Bostonian pariah status. They have no upcoming wave of young arms, just a pile of ex-prospects in the third year of their disappointment. (See "Machine Gun" Kelly.)

4. The real key to their team is 20-year-old Rafael Devers, who will play 3B, if his glove allows. In 222 at bats last season, he hit .284 with 10 homers, and he killed us a few times. Still, there is a quirkiness to his stats - though LH, he hit lefties far better than righties. Will that stand? Nevertheless, he could be an emerging star. If so, their farm system's death has been exaggerated, and we are in trouble, unless Miguel Andujar rises from Scranton.

5. It's a Yankees/Redsocks season. Nobody else in the AL East looks remotely competitive, and it means that - despite all the bluster and rivalry - the two teams will play 2018 merely to decide which draws the October home field advantage, and which must play the one-game Bud Selig horror show Wild Card. Between now and August 1, some serious impact players (Manny, Bumgarner, Josh Donaldson) could be on the move, and you would think Boston's already bloated roster would be over its limit. If Andujar flops, we might seek a 3B rental.

6. Make no mistake: Martinez is the real deal. In each of the last four seasons, he has hit for both average and power. But by the end of his contract, he will be 35, and Boston is not a nice place to be banking big money without producing big numbers. It's not as bad a contract as Jacoby Ellsbury's turned out to be, but if Martinez falters, the crowds and radio shows will be cruel. It's a long way from Detroit and Arizona, especially if you're Aquaman joining The Avengers. 

But I still need a drink.