Wednesday, February 7, 2018

It's time to start planning next year's Yankee World Series victory riot

On the morning after the Rose Bowl Parade, the people of Pasadena famously gather to brainstorm the next year's hideous orgy of dogmatic Disney commercialism. 

If we want to go viral next October, we must start NOW in planning our spontaneous Yankees Canyon of Heroes victory hell riot.

First, we need experienced climbers, folks who can scale the Statue of Liberty, and that's gonna be a somabitch, because you know Lady Liberty will be slathered in Crisco. Can we get those magnetic suction cup-thingys Tom Cruise used in Mission Impossible? If those things exist, we need a shitload. If we can drone 20 fat guys up to the torch, we could have that statue do a face plant, recreate the Charlton Heston finale from Planet of the Apes. That would show Liddle Philadelphia what we think of them dropping the Ritz-Carlton entrance. Ohh, what big time rioters you are... knocking down a hotel awning!

I say we clog Holland Tunnel with beer cans, top to bottom. Nobody gets in or out. We take a small crew, each one wearing a beer-icide vest full of 12-packs, and establish a party right in the middle. We form barricades from the empties and piss out through the holes. We hold our ground for a week, or until supplies last. That'll show the Mets who runs this town.

Empire State Building? We climb to the top, beat our chests and bat away planes. Trump Tower? If one story remains standing, we should riot in shame. With enough people, we should be able to push over the High Line. After that, I say we march north, topple the Tappan Zee, then finish by burning White Plains to the ground. I'm talking about a RIOT people, something that makes Philly's hell night look like a Sarah McLachlan concert. It's gonna be great!

4 comments:

  1. I appreciate your confidence in Yankees fan's potential to riot but I have my doubts. it's not like the old days when fans would rush the field, carting off bases and digging up the turf. Fans at the new stadium are pretty sedate. They wouldn't even Moon Big Papi, if you'll recall.

    ReplyDelete
  2. That's fine if we lose, but what's on tap if we win? Something really big, I hope.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I ASKED A YOUNGER EMPLOYEE OF MINE, (A HUGE YANKEE FAN), HOW HE MANAGED TO STAY IN THE FRONT OF THE PARADE IN 2009 FOR MULTIPLE HOURS WITHOUT EVER LEAVING TO GO TO THE BATHROOM?

    REALIZING IT WOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE FOR ANYONE TO FIND A BATHROOM AND GET BACK TO THE FRONT, (ESPECIALLY WITH THE FREQUENCY IN WHICH I PEE), HIS REAL ANSWER AND SOLUTION KIND OF STUNNED ME.

    "ME AND MY BROTHER WEAR LONG COATS, AND WE PEE UNDERNEATH THE COATS IN OUR BEER CUPS WHEN THEY'RE EMPTY."

    CAN'T WAIT!

    ReplyDelete

  4. I really want the world to know about this great man who brought back happiness into my life again after my husband left me and the kids 3 years ago for another women online when i contacted Dr Believe he cast a love spell for me within 48 hours my ex husband start calling me and begging for forgiveness for everything that have happened between us. I was so happy to have my family back together with love again here is the email of Dr Believe via believelovespelltemple@gmail.com a man with the great powers you can also call him or add him on Whats-app: +2348156148821
    God bless you
    I am very grateful for your help in my marriage.


    ReplyDelete

Members of the blog can comment. To receive an e-mailed invitation, write to johnandsuzyn@gmail.com. And check spam if it doesn't show up. (Google account required.)

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.