Thursday, February 1, 2018

The lords of baseball have a new terrible idea: The 11th inning automatic runner on second

This we know: The Universe is a maniac. There are things out there that, frankly, none of us want to live long enough to see. Nuclear war. The Grand Canyon super volcano. The reboot of Roseanne. The death of baseball...

Then again, maybe when The End finally arrives, we won't care. When the tidal wave hits, when Old Faithful shoots red and when Marge leaves Homer, maybe by then, the show will have become so befouled and unfunny that we've stopped watching. On that note, the lords of baseball - under the guise of "speeding up the game" - seem bent on doing all they can to foster a mini-apocalypse. 


This week, the Commissioner's office announced its newest plan, to be tested during spring training and the All-Star game: Whenever a tie game goes into the 11th inning, each team will automatically come to bat with a runner on second. This would curtail those rare marathons that run into the 15th or 16th, often becoming the most memorable games in a fan's life, if he or she is lucky enough - or crazy enough - to stay for the entirety. Nope, those games when Nick Swisher pitches or Jack Reed inscribes himself into history - they're going, going, gone.

Of course, this scenario creates a huge advantage for the home team. If the visitors fail to score, they can bunt the runner around. (Of course, the visitors will intentionally walk the first batter, creating a force, then bring in the outfield, use drastic over-shifts, have agonizingly long meetings on the mound, etc.) It could remake MLB rosters, forcing each team to add a bunt specialist. It could affect seasonal records for offensive production. And the most insidious part of this plan is what it won't do: Speed up the regular game.

Nope. Not by one millisecond.


Like last year's plan for automatic intentional walks, this fake proposal has no impact on the length of regular games. It's just a way for the owners to protect their investments - pitching elbows - and squeeze a little extra cash from the endless money teat most of them have suckled since birth. 

If baseball really wants to speed up the game, here's an idea: Cut one 30-second TV commercial from between each half-inning - that's 9 minutes, right there - in games being broadcast on subscriber-financed channels, like YES. They can keep the extra commercials on nationally televised games. But when teams are already gouging their fans with high cable fees, let them cut back on in-game commercials and move the action along.

Of course, we all realize where such blaspheme is destined. If we know anything about professional sports, it is that once an advertising opportunity is born, it never goes away. And once a money-making "experiment" is unveiled in spring training, it inevitably becomes part of the game.

But you know what? As a fan, maybe there is something worth living to see:

The day of reckoning. 

The day when the NFL pays for all the skulls it cracked, when the NCAA faces its vast academic hypocrisy, when the last youth coach pedophile is locked away and when the Lords of Baseball finally lose their grip on us, because being billionaires simply wasn't being rich enough. Take your vitamins, comrades. It's a ways off, but if you squint, you can almost see it from here.

11 comments:

  1. Fixing what ain't broke, breaking what makes the game great.

    Nice going, morons.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I suggested to MLB last season the idea of the AUTOMATIC STRIKEOUT.

    Aaron Judge, for example, gets assigned 3 ASO's per game. And so on.

    The minute a batter is so hopeless that he swings at a pitch, in the dirt, three feet off the plate, the ASO is assigned.

    Lot of time saved.

    And fewer injuries to the upper torso from those contact free , hard swings.

    Better yet; each batter only gets one pitch. If it is a ball, he walks. If he hits a foul ball , he is out.

    Saves immense time. Saves arms. Saves time.

    Makes every pitch a "crisis moment pitch," and the same applies for every at bat.

    Great excitement.

    The concession stands won't like it, however. The entire game could end by the time you get your sausage, and find a gulden's jar pump.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I watched baseball on tv and in person during the 60s. Those batters didn't get out of the batter's box on every pitch. 10 pitches in an at bat equals 5 minutes. If it was Toby Harrah, it was one minute per pitch. Keep them in the box and watch the games speed up.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Why not load the bases with no out, and push the count on EVERY BATTER to 3-and-0 to start the 11th inning?

    If they play even thru the 11th, they can issue rifles to random attendees in the stands for the bottom of the 12th, and have them try to shoot the other team's relievers....

    ReplyDelete
  5. How about this...

    If the game is tied to start the 11th inning we steal a page from the world's most exciting game and NTY sports section mega focus, soccer.

    Here's how it works. It's like a shootout. Each team designates 5 "runners" and one fielder. The runners are positioned one at a time at third base and the DH or hitting coach, using a fungo bat, hits a ball into a designated area in the outfield. (if he fails the runner is out)

    So it's a tag up play from third. THE MOST EXCITING PLAY IN BASEBALL. Over and over and over again. The team that scores the most runs wins. Ties continue with an alternating 1/1 until the outfielders arm falls off or there is a winner.

    Extra bonus: These runs do not effect ERA because there is no pitcher.

    Doug K.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I was watching "Baseball Night" on SNY last night, and saw the Daily News' John Harper arguing FOR this, because apparently he often finds games too long and boring.

    I propose another rule: anyone paid a considerable amount of money to travel all around the country and watch baseball for 8 months, sportswriter or broadcaster—I'm looking at you, Paul O'Neill—and complains about that job, should be immediately fired from it.

    Especially if, like Harper, they get to spend the other 4 months sitting around making up trade rumors.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Doug K., I love your idea!

    And speaking of soccer and the NY Times...

    Today, the Times had a major piece on whether a young soccer prodigy from Norway should play now with a big team in Spain, or go to a lesser club in Holland.

    Goes right to the gut of the average NYC sports fan, doesn't it?

    But wait! The Times ALSO ran a piece about netting in major-league stadiums, a major Times obsession.

    True, it was about netting all around the league...but featured a photo of Yankee Stadium, and mostly talked about the Yankees.

    I called in a subcommittee of FIFA and, after passing around the bribes and the munchies, they ruled that this does indeed constitute a Yankees article.

    That puts February at Soccer 1, Yankees 1, a very soccer score. Though on the year it is Soccer 16, Yankees 2. Sigh.

    ReplyDelete
  8. The only thing is, Hoss, whenever you mention soccer in the context of the Yankees, I think of the USMNT.

    Then, I vomit.

    Seriously, our men's team is so terrible that they regard a 0-0 draw, in a meaningless match, against a B team from Bosnia to be a productive day. We have no coach, no prospect of scoring a goal, a bunch of old losers complaining about coaches we used to have, and the team's objective seems to be; not to lose. What a thrill.

    I am thinking the US should give up the sport ( not the women, of course ).

    The men can't compete now, and never will.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I think you're right, Alphonso.

    I'm always amazed at how mediocre the athletes are on the USMNT, on those notable nights when I actually see them play.

    They tend to be slower, smaller, and less skilled than their opponents.

    If the men's team really wanted to improve, I would think they should flood poor city schools—or hell, rural schools—with recruiters, approach every speedy, coordinated kid who will never be tall enough or big enough to play football or basketball professionally like they're dreaming of, and say, 'Hey, kid, you ever thought of soccer?'

    (MLB should do this, too—but thanks to the D.R., they already have a steady talent pipeline.)

    And meanwhile, today we have not only a big column on English soccer, but a huge spread on just this topic: what's wrong with the U.S. men's team?

    What makes me think we'll be reading the same piece ten years from now? Or, as it were, NOT reading it?

    This leaves the score at Soccer 18, Yankees 2 on the year, and 3-1 in February.

    ReplyDelete

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