Searching for meaning in an avalanche of meaninglessness

1. Usually, concussed players declare radio silence until feeling mentally ready to handle the malevolent trick questions of the Gammonites. Thanks to the open access of spring training, and Clint Frazier's spontaneous Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt personality, we are receiving daily updates directly from Red Thunder's broken yoke. This allows us - like self-declared detectives on Reddit - to look for signs of lingering confusion. See if you can spot Frazier's mental glitch in yesterday's interview with George King of the Morning Murdoch:

"I have big hopes and dreams this year. It's hard to sit back and not watch those things come to reality right now. It's a matter of taking my time. It's a matter of taking my time.

See? There it is! I highlighted the part where his concussion is doing the talking. He repeats himself! When he stops repeating himself, his mind will be clear. When he stops repeating himself, his mind will be... uh... who were talking about, again?  

2. Yesterday, after Gioncarlo botched three plays in LF, the YES men actually tried to spin the notion that it's a huge adjustment, moving from right to left field. In my lifetime, I can't remember anybody at the major league level saying such a thing with a straight face. It's an adjustment for a catcher to play left field. It's an adjustment for a first baseman to play left field. But I can tell you, without doubt, that I could move from right to left field with no loss of my defensive prowess. I wonder if Stanton had even practiced taking flies in the left field sun before going out in the game? Not a big thing. And it's good that he might feel a bit embarrassed. But I wonder: Does he fully understand the scrutiny that he's about to face? 

3. Certainly, we should let Aroldis Chapman do whatever he wants in spring training, and El Chapo claims that yesterday's all-out collapse - he recorded one out and couldn't find the plate - doesn't matter. He was just throwing hard, that's all. Fine. But for the record, last year, in eight spring training appearances, El Chapo threw seven hitless innings, struck out 10, walked two, and never gave up a run. Just sayin.' After last season's multiple breakdowns, our closer is entering uncharted territory.

4. Buried in the paragraph tsunamis is the somewhat frightening news that David Robertson suffered salmonella poisoning this winter and lost 10 pounds. Listen: This is a guy without 10 pounds to lose. From Jason Giambi to Matt Holliday, nothing wrecks a season more than the IBS lady as a traveling companion. Considering that Betances got cuffed around in his lone appearance, and El Chapo yesterday was horrible, Boonie might want to rethink the Chad Green As Sixth Starter Experiment. He might be our closer option in the month of April.

5. With four homers, Miguel Andujar is second in MLB spring training home run leaders, behind Jason Kipnis, who has five. I don't know why I am bothering to care. 

6. Shortstop Kyle Holder, the former first-round pick, now 23, who has often been touted as the best glove man in the farm system, is now 4 for 12 with 2 doubles and a walk. No way he'd replace Didi, and he still must prove himself as a hitter - he batted .271 with 4 HR in Single A Tampa last year - but if he hits this season in Trenton, we might have something. Of course, right now he would be behind Didi, Tyler Wade, Ronald Torreyes and Cairo "Bullet Hole" Estrada on the depth chart. 

7. I still haven't seen The Shape of Water. It must be good, because the concept just seems so embarrassingly stupid.