A FAN staggers out of Yankees Stadium, looking bruised and battered. An ungodly noise is coming out of the Stadium behind him.
The FAN spots BRIAN CASHMAN, smiling vacantly by the executive parking lot, and approaches him.
FAN: I want you to tell me something, and no matter what the answer is, I will NOT be angry!
CASHMAN: Sure, anything.
FAN: When you went to trade for Giancarlo Stanton, was there any kind of scouting report, anything on him at all, that made you think twice?
CASHMAN: Well, just a line that read, 'Can't hit Snider.' But why worry about that? Duke Snider retired decades ago, and anyway, he wasn't a pitcher.
FAN: (awareness slowly dawning) 'Can't hit Snider.' You sure it didn't say something else? Like 'Can't hit slider?'
CASHMAN: (shrugging) Well, what if did? I don't know any Slider in this league.
FAN: (through gritted teeth, as he closes in on the GM) Not Slider a person...slider the pitch!
CASHMAN: (still blithely unaware) Oh, maybe so. Yeah, I guess that's what it was.
FAN: Are you telling me that you committed 11 years and at least $265 million to a man who can't hit a breaking ball???!!!
The FAN's hands reach for CASHMAN's throat. They grapple. In the background, the screams from the Stadium have become bloodcurdling.
THEY ARRESTED ME THAT NIGHT HOSS.
ReplyDeleteI'd'a been with you, All-Caps, if I hadn't been laid up, 1000 miles to the west, having pineapple shards being picked outta' my backside. LB (No J)
ReplyDeleteReally, I have to apologize to Giancarlo.
ReplyDeleteIt was reported today that, before he got his two meaningless hits up in Fenway, he was struck out on high fastballs. So I guess he can't hit those, either. My bad.
After last night, I need a sed-a-give ...
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteI need a sed-a-give
Are you saying that I put an abnormal brain into a seven and a half foot long, fifty-four inch wide GORILLA?
The object of my satire exactly!
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