Saturday, September 15, 2018

The Drive to Mendoza

The old-timer saw him when he came over the hill in the late-day sunlight.  He was riding an old paint he looked none-too-steady on, and wearing a bandolero and a serape that looked a little too big on him, as if he had been half-starved out on the trail.

Just behind him came the rest of them, driving the scrawniest, mangiest looking herd of doggies the old-timer had ever seen.  They bleated and stumbled piteously, their hides all sagging beneath the once-proud, "NYY" brand.

"That the way to Mendoza?" the rider asked the old-timer when he got to him, pointing to the low, distant line of white adobe buildings, shimmering in the north Mexico heat.

"Ay-yup," the old-time said, squinting at the rider's face, which was covered by a strange mask.  "Say, don't I know you?  Ain't you—"

"The Cincinnati Kid," the man acknowledged right away.  "Yeah, that's what they call me."

"Nah.  It was somethin' else, if I reckon.  'The Ice Cream Sand—"

"I asked you a question, old man!  That Mendoza over yonder?"

The old-timer looked over the cattle drive that had pulled up behind him.   It was the most motley group he'd ever seen come out of the scrub country.  There was a tall fella with his arm in a sling, and another tall fella who was sitting backwards in his saddle.  On the box of the chuck wagon an old woman was wringing her hands and moaning out psalms and cliches.

Some of the hired hands were so young that they were obviously on their first cattle drive, and they kept falling off their horses.  One jittery kid everybody called "Sonny" shot himself in the foot, then managed to hop into the campfire some of the fellas had just got started.

"Yup, that's Mendoza, all right," the old-timer said, and spat through his two remaining teeth.  "But you don't wanna go there."

"Why not?"

"Cause the moment you set foot over that Mendoza line, yer gonna be encounterin' some of the toughest hombres south of the Rio Grande," the old-timer told him.

"Like who?"

"Why, there's Responsibility, an' Expectations, an'-an'..." The old-timer's voice went hoarse with fear for a moment.

"There's Hope.  John Q. Hope his own self," the old-timer croaked.  "You don't wanna mess with him, Kid.  He'll leave you gut-shot every time!  Why, there was a fella a lot like you, came through these parts seven years ago.  Name a Jesus, no less—"

"That's all right, old-timer," the mysterious young man in the mask told him.  "We're goin' to Mendoza.  And we're goin' a lot further than that.  We're goin' all the way to Glory!"

The old-timer took a final, appraising look at the Man Who'd Lost Weight, and at the collection of stumble-bums and no 'counts he'd brought along with him, and sighed.

"Well, all right then," he said.  "But don't say I didn't warn ya when you get yer nuts shot off."




22 comments:

  1. The Master (tm) commented last night on how Ice Cream Sandwich must want to 'get off the interstate' before the end of the season.

    I'd say it's an even bet at best.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Brilliant, Hoss. Just brilliant.

    They're talking on YES about whether CC should come back. I mean, look, we're at the end of the season, and today he's in midseason form. One hit after another.

    Yeah, I know, he had a great stretch this year, but it always comes back to 3-5 runs in 5 innings. Because you can't take him out earlier. Girardi said so.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thanks, guys!

    And following incompetence with idiocy....Ma puts in Chad Green in the bottom of the third, down five runs.

    Right, because the end of the season is JUST the time to work out your relievers who have been pitching hard all year.

    Green was already going to hit his highest MLB innings total this year...so WTF? Why not throw him out there for another couple in a meaningless game that is already lost? Hey, with any luck, he'll pull a hamstring or get hit by a batted ball, and be done for the year!

    Gentleman...and Lady...I honestly think this site could manage the Yankees better than the guy who is doing it now.

    ReplyDelete
  4. And once again, this team's disengagement must make for such a fulfilling entertainment experience.

    Let's see...first three Yankees strike out against this rookie with the 6.86 ERA.

    CC gives us 3 runs.

    Yanks load the bases with nobody out. And follow up with 3 more strikeouts in a row.

    CC gives up 2 more runs.

    If I'm out there, I'm sprintng for the subway just now, thinking I can still catch the second half of Notre Dame-Vandy.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Speaking of incompetence, I think Giancarlo Stanton, the Incredible Shrinking Hitter, is now approaching 50 at-bats without a homer. He must also be somewhere around 1 homer in his last 100 at-bats.

    Great.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I agree, Hoss. I don't care home many HRs these guys hit, the truth is, they can't hit. Rookies excepted.

    ReplyDelete
  7. An old woman was wringing her hands and moaning out psalms and cliches. Yeesh.

    ReplyDelete
  8. You Know I've had about enough of Brett Gardner...

    I'm tired of seeing his sad look of frustration all to see nothing change day after day.

    It's as if Boone's "managerial process is to mail it in and reserve their energy until the next game when they can go "Beast"...that NEVER COMES!

    ReplyDelete
  9. I'm putting in my official hate and showing my pitchfork and torch for Mc-UNCLUTCH-en. I knew it was a mistake when we got him and he proved it with bases full. He's going way past Irod and Berkman level hate here. He is just useless as Gray. We gave up way to much for him.

    Either way, I had the Yanks going .500 against the Twins and Jays so I shouldn't be too upset about tonight. I'm now having doubts they'll win tomorrow. I'm going to go with 1-3 against the Red Sox and another .500 against the O's and Rays. Then another 1-3 against the Red Sox to end the season. Basically still landing them 3 out of the Wild Card home field advantage.

    I think the Yanks will win the Wild Card game though. I still do not believe the A's are as good as their numbers are suggesting. It's not 1989-1990 for them.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Quoting the above post. I assume The Author alludes to "Ma" Boone.

    ReplyDelete
  11. El Conquistador !!! El Conquistador !!! El Conquistador !!! El Conquistador !!!

    ReplyDelete

  12. Let's assume the season ends soon.
    o
    Gardner, CC Sabathia, Happ, Britton, and Lynn all are at the end of their contracts and can be allowed to go someplace else. So can Walker, McCutchen, and Adeiny H.

    That's 8. If they elect to re-sign Happ (who is 35 years old)......

    Hicks is at the end of his contract, too.

    Answer me this: What harm would be done if all of these guys -- all nine (even Hicks + Happ) -- are allowed to go somewhere else....?????

    ReplyDelete
  13. Ice Cream Sandwich took I-91 in New Haven, soon to take the I-89 exit in Vermont.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Ok, the HRs made it exciting, but why do I think they don't do anything in the 9th? Torres out, Walker "the professional .220 hitter" up....

    ReplyDelete
  15. Miggy on deck. God help us, Voit gets on somehow...

    ReplyDelete
  16. And of course, a strike out.

    Of course.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I haven't watched (listened to the radio) this burning pile of shit team since July. I'd probably have had a heart attack by now if I had stayed with them. I honestly don't know how John and Suzyn do this every day. If they weren't Jewish they'd be at the front of the line for sainthood.

    ReplyDelete
  18. The Yankees must have already set the club record for the most strike outs in a season. And that's why they lose so many 1-run games.

    ReplyDelete

  19. I really want the world to know about this great man who brought back happiness into my life again after my husband left me and the kids 3 years ago for another women online when i contacted Dr Believe he cast a love spell for me within 48 hours my ex husband start calling me and begging for forgiveness for everything that have happened between us. I was so happy to have my family back together with love again here is the email of Dr Believe via believelovespelltemple@gmail.com a man with the great powers you can also call him or add him on Whats-app: +2348156148821
    God bless you
    I am very grateful for your help in my marriage.

    ReplyDelete

Members of the blog can comment. To receive an e-mailed invitation, write to johnandsuzyn@gmail.com. And check spam if it doesn't show up. (Google account required.)

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.