As you know, I'm certainly the last person in the world to overstate the importance of one Yankee victory...
That said, I humbly suggest that last night, we reached the crossroads of the 2018 season, the future of human civilization, and the disillusion of the universe due to entropy - reversing the flow of time back toward the Big Bang, and its rightful days of Yankee dominance. Simply stated, for those of you who don't understand quantum theory, our long, gruesome descent into the kind of despair that I call "juju homelessness" may have ended. This morning, that light at the end of the tunnel is not necessarily honking its horn for us to get out of its way. Today, there is hope in the quarks. They're the Higgs bosons, not the Higgs Bostons.
At Yankee Stadium this season, we are now 5-2 against the Redsock '18 Hall of Fame Superteam of Destiny (TM). We can beat this team... at home.
If you discard that crippling final loss in the early August meltdown in Beantown - the one where Aroldis went crazy and Miggy threw the ball away - we'd be 7-7 on the season against this incredible, Olympian collection of superhuman achievement. We could be on the verge of beating this team for the season.
From now on, at least through Thursday, I say one great mantra should echo over the Bronx.
They can't beat us at home...
They can't beat us at home...
THEY CAN'T BEAT US AT HOME!
Their bullpen leaks. Their bats can disappear. They're not that great.
Last night, they had us in kill range. To lose game one of this series - to let Boston clinch the division in NYC - would have been a psychic death blow to the Yankees. And they had us. Nobody was touching Nathan Eovaldi, a galling blow unto itself, considering his Yankee background. We'd reverted to the team that cannot score, the team that cannot make a big play in the field, the a team that cannot close. And then... it didn't happen.
They can't beat us at home.
Listen: There remain a million reasons to doubt the Yankees. This last month has been a rain forest of despair. Tonight, Luis Severino must beat David Price, or at least match him, inning for inning. But not long ago, we owned the bastard. Then, somehow, we yawned off to sleep, like the ghost of America, and let the Redsocks run roughshod over our historical name.
Certainly, I can never be accused of putting too much emphasis on one Yankee victory. But last night, the juju gods rose from their dingy computer terminals, stood up in their cubicles and waved their velcro wrist supports at the overhead TVs in their newsroom. Last night, the juju abruptly turned and began to flow in our direction.
They can't beat us at home. And if we can just trap Boston into a five-game series, we can bloody well send them home and restore truth to the galaxy.
All we need to do is win tonight. Did I mention that? We need to win tonight.
Since Severino is at best a number four starter now, and we continue to be an embarrassment on defense, we're going to have to pound Price. It's possible, yet feels improbable given the state of our offense. But a Kurt Russell proved at the 1980 Olympics, miracles can happen.
ReplyDeleteGet out your rosaries. In fact, that would be a great new concession stand: Yankees rosaries. We could sell Yankees Novena prayer books, too, maybe St. Mick scapulas.
Fully expandable to other religions, it's a new gold mine. And wouldn't it be great to hear Gregorian chants over the sound system when Stanton is up? Maybe Sister Rosetta Tharpe during rallies.
It could work. If we're going to keep playing that terrible Kate Smith version of God Bless America, at least we can go all the way with the God bit.
My wife bought her mother (god rest her soul) a set of rosary beads at the vatican. Very expensive but deep plastic. Don't know if they help my mother in law, but they helped the vatican's bottom line.
ReplyDeleteOn a yankee's related note, why do they play that horrible version of God Bless America? Is it a secret ISIS plot to get Yankee fans to hate America? How about doing Brother Ray's version of America the Beautiful?
***cheap plastic*** !!!
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteAhhh, love the reference to Sister Rosetta Tharpe. For those of you unfamiliar, check out this video. It was shot in England in the early 1960s, when all the hipsters were discovering American blues:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MnAQATKRBN0
Brother Ray's version of America would also be a blessing.
Thanks LBJ!
ReplyDeleteLove this comment on youtube:
"Everything Keith Richards does, she does without a cigarette hanging out of her mouth, while wearing high heels."
...and wearing a heavy overcoat!
hey, now! what's wrong with Kate Smith's God Bless America? I think it's great: corny, campy and, boy, she put her heart into it. I love how it sounds like her voice is cracking with emotion as she screams the song. come on, boys, lighten up. have some fun.
ReplyDeleteFun fact of the day.
ReplyDeleteMasahiro Tanaka is one year and six days older than Sonny Gray.
Why does he seem like the wily veteran compared to the deer in the headlights kid?
Wait, who is Sonny Gray again? I swear I saw that name on a milk carton recently...
ReplyDeleteDuque, I resent the implication that some of us here might not understand quantum theory.
ReplyDeleteI did, though, love "rain forest of despair" and "the ghost of America."
I think you have a new comic book right there: "The Ghost of America in the Rain Forest of Despair."
The music should definitely be much better at Yankee Stadium. I also wish they would bring back the immortal, "The Sidewalks of New York," Al Smith's old campaign song, which they dropped from the Belmont Stakes some years ago.
ReplyDeleteSister Rosetta, Ray Charles—YES! And some Aretha now? And Mahalia?
I don't mind "God Bless America"—though it's ridiculous that people are required to stand up and remove their hats for it, and that Stadium security even keeps people from going to the bathroom and the concession stands.
It's NOT the National Anthem. It's a show tune.
Hmm Hoss love me some Mahalia...
ReplyDeletePerhaps she could manage from the grave better than Ma boone
ReplyDeleteYou're really losing it now, Duque. For crisse sakes pull it together man.
ReplyDeleteNeil Walker = Sign of the Beast
ReplyDelete(and no, I'm not a religious man, but I can recognize The Devil when he's staring me in the face)
Rufus, we play the Kate Smith version because it gave old Mad King George a woody every time he heard it. No shit, it's his cold, dead finger, reaching out from the grave, that gives us the Kate Smith version.
ReplyDeleteI hate that version.
ReplyDeleteCorrect that. I hate the song, the version and the disgustingly sanctimonious Kate Smith. And that I fucking have to listen to it at Yankee fucking Stadium. It's like doing fucking purgatory in fucking miserable and benighted St. fucking Louis.
ReplyDeleteEmbarrassing version.
ReplyDeleteWhile we're at it, how about Jimi Hendrix's Star Spangled Banner? He died 47 years ago now. Surely, the crowd could deal. Play it in the 7th instead of an Irving Berlin tune...named for the capital of our villainous WWII enemy---the city of Irving.
YES Winwarblist, and YASS John M to Jimi!
ReplyDeletePlus, playing the Jimi version would have the added advantage of causing the huge, gold face of George on his Monuments Park plaque to literally melt off into a molten puddle on the ground.
ReplyDeletePlus, they could play "Machine Gun" when Chapman comes into the game.
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