What's even funnier is that, as Levine was honing his stand-up act this week, the Yankees were whiffing on Patrick Corbin and Nathan Eovaldi - the two starting pitchers that could have vaulted the 2019 team ahead of Boston.
Damn. Food Stamps Hal Steinbrenner was reaching for his wallet, but those Halligator arms just weren't long enough to get there.
So, here's the real joke: When the Yankees lose out on a free agent, Randy Levine gets another boat. The unspent money can be plowed back into the ownership pipeline of sex slaves, arms sales and production of Fentanyl. The punch line is on us.
Today, three top starting pitchers remain on the MLB free agent board: J.A. Happ (age 36), Dallas Keuchel (31), and Yusei Kikuchi (27) from Japan. (Charlie Morton, 35, is on a secondary, Purgatory list.) After that, it's a dead drop to the canyon of Lance Lynn and Wade Miley. At a certain point, the Yankees might as well stick with Sonny Gray. It's that bad. And all you folks who stress that Boston and Washington overpaid on their pitchers, wait until you see the price tag for Happ.
The team's core of Gammonites keeps assuring us that Cooperstown Cashman can trade for a Bauer or a Bumgarner, but at what point do we stop the wholesale draining of our farm system? Already, the courtier press has banned the mention of Justus Sheffield, and our selective memory could soon mean that Clint Frazier, Estevan Florial and a flock of Greg Birds can fly out the door. This was supposed to be the era of the "Baby Bombers," as the team scrapped its old ways and built up from youth. But right now, looking at 2019, there is nothing ready to rise up from Scranton or Trenton, and - thus far - all we see is an ownership unwilling to pay the extra freight for talent.
There are two jokes currently circulating around the Yankiverse, and it's time we stopped laughing at them:
1. As much as we love to believe it, the Yankees cannot simply bludgeon their way to the 2019 World Series. I'm talking about Bryce Harper. Yes, signing him will give us all four-month erections, through June, until the losses by 11-10 scores take us down. The Yankees must find pitching. This crazy notion that CC Sabathia is our fifth starter? What a crock. Yes, he's a great man, a team leader. But he was awful last year. He'll be worse in 2019. Why are we telling us that CC is a viable front line starter? If we intend to homer our way to a ring, the Yankees must sign both Harper and Machado... and, folks, that aint gonna happen.
2. As much as the sportswriters love to speculate about it, the Yankees cannot trade their way to a pennant. I'm talking about this notion that the highly coveted Sonny Gray will launch a massive bidding war, prompting some team to surrender its crown jewels. What a crock. What we're going to get is another team's version of Sonny Gray. Or Greg Bird. And right now, Frazier - returning from two head injuries - has to be at his lowest value as a trade chip in the last two years. Cashman's record on trades is spotty. Sometimes, he pulls a Didi. Sometimes, he pulls a Sonny Gray.
Listen: Since beating us like a drum in the regular season, then stomping us in four games in the playoffs, Boston has re-signed Steve Pearce and Nathan Eovaldi. Meanwhile, the Yankees have signed Brett Gardner and CC Sabathia.
Okay, go ahead, tell me that we've gained ground...
we've gained ground!
ReplyDeleteas a proud duque minion, i'll do anything you ask of me.
We've gained ground beef...coffee grounds...grounds for divorce...a grounding wire...
ReplyDeleteWell, we've gained some kind of ground, I suppose.
ReplyDeleteWe've gained ground beef...
We've gained tainted ground beef, John M, tainted ground beef.
ReplyDeleteIf Sabathia's signing is not part of a change -- to "bullpen games" (or at least one of those in every 5-6-7 games)......I'm totally flummoxed.
Then again, "totally flummoxed" is typical for me these days.
Teams that rely on home runs do not win pennants. UNLESS they have exceptional pitching and, even then, it's a rarity. I love homes, but you need to be able to grind them out.
ReplyDeleteIF they did all this smoke and mirrors "let's get under the luxury tax so we can spend in 2019" bullshit and they DO NOT spend, well FUCK THEM, Hal is a cheap, greedy piece of shit.
IF they did all this smoke and mirrors "let's get under the luxury tax so we can spend in 2019" bullshit and they get Manny or Harper, but an old-age home of broken down pitchers for a starting rotation, well FUCK THEM, Brian is a complete moron who does not know baseball.
IF they did all this smoke and mirrors "let's get under the luxury tax so we can spend in 2019" bullshit and they make any moves at all, only to leave in place the simpleton manager and inept coaches who have gotten use here, well FUCK THEM. I miss Joe Girardi and am sorry I ever called him "Binders," as it's clear now that he was just a front man for Brian "Binders" Cashman and Hal "Blinders" Steinbrenner.
This has, so far, been the worst off-season since the early '90s, and that's saying a lot. I guess that the Yankee brass, as they sit around the secret pool up at headquarters, sipping champagne and letting their balls hang out while Halligator slides in and out of the water, are all patting themselves on their scaly backs and saying shit like "100 wins...it was a good year. You can't predict baseball. The Sox got a couple of lucky breaks. If an inning or two had gone the other way, we'd be wearing rings right now." And I think they really believe it. They really believe it. Let that sink in.
IF YOU DON'T THINK YOU HAVE A PROBLEM, YOU WILL DO NOTHING TO CHANGE IT.
Which is why, as I said from July on this year, I want us to bottom out HARD. I am a core Yankee fan and I hate to see us lose. I do not want to join the tank-a-thon derby. We don't need to do that. But we need to lose so much that people get FIRED, people including the whole coaching staff and GM. We were on our way - exactly one year ago - to building a dynasty. Yes, a few potential jewels in that crown turned out to be pretzel nuggets - do you hear me, Birdie and ICS? - but we had a decent farm still and some momentum. We could have stayed the course, kept the young guys, and not gotten saddled down with another awful contract. Yes, I'll give Giancarlo another year to work it out, but he's an A-Rod without the dickheadedness when it comes to clutch hitting.
Oh shit, this is the same crap I have been saying and thinking for years. It's a drag after a while, to be another slave in Cashman's galley ship, pulling that oar while he whacks off over the bow and proclaims how great he is. Fuck you, Brian. I know you're just a convenient target for my anger, but you bear a lot of the responsibility here. If you had any imagination, things could be different.
13bit, I agree with you. This has been a miserable Hot Stove so far. no fun at all. I'm afraid that I've lost my religion. it'll take a Yankees miracle to bring it back.
ReplyDeleteKluber, Bungarner, Harper. keep Miggy.
ReplyDeletethat WOULD be a miracle, eh?
I hate them all so much.
ReplyDeleteLet us never forget that Randy Levine - as Deputy Mayor under Giuliani - negotiated the terms for building the new Yankee Stadium and then flipped over to Yankee management when the deal was done.
ReplyDeleteIn some civilized countries (and a couple of US states), that corrupt behavior gets you an orange jumpsuit. I won't be satisfied until that clown is gone, gone, gone. He's nothing but a stain on reputation of New York City.
As I have said, unless you believe in the world of illusions, next season for the Yankees will be less joyful than this one.
ReplyDeleteMight as well get used to it now.
Here is how the Yankees will react;
once all the cherries have been picked, the Yankees will panic.
They will then over-spend on a delusion, and "sell it" to us as the answer.
It will weaken the foundation further, and accomplish nothing.
You call those jokes. :) Here are some jokes.
ReplyDeleteHow many Yankees does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. Light bulbs cost money.
Brian: We need Machado.
Hal: If you think I’m paying $4.75 for a cup of sweetened coffee you’re out of your mind.
Brian: No, Manny Machado.
Hal: I’m not buying many Machados. Let the staff buy their own damn coffee.
Brian: Manny Machado. He’s a free agent.
Hal: So, sign him for free.
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
I said, KNOCK KNOCK!! (Just a little John Valby there for those who know.)
WHO’s THERE?
Patrick Corbin.
Patrick Corbin who?
Patrick Corbin here and gone and he ain’t coming back.
Doug K.
Great post, Duque, great comment, 13bit, and Doug K., I love the jokes. Love them until I start to break down and cry.
ReplyDeleteSWISHER DEAL (A WINNER)
ReplyDeleteDIDI DEAL (HIS BIGGEST WINNER)
HICKS DEAL (BIG WINNER)
CHAD GREEN DEAL (TOTAL ACCIDENT-CESSA WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE GEM).
CHAPMAN DEAL (ONLY BECAUSE HE SHOT UP HIS GARAGE).
THERE MAY BE ANOTHER FAVORABLE DEAL HERE OR THERE, BUT THOSE ARE THE 5 DEALS COOP HAS MADE IN OVER 20 YEARS THAT HELPED US.
IT COULD TAKE A HARDCOVER BOOK, TO DEFINE HIS DISASTROUS DEALS, SIGNINGS, PLAYER RELEASES, AND HIS LACK OF VISION TO PULL THE TRIGGER ON DEALS THAT COULD HAVE TAKEN US TO THE PROMISED LAND. (CLIFF LEE, JUSTIN VERLANDER, AND WHO KNOWS HOW MANY OTHERS).
KD SOUNDS RIGHT TO ME.
SIGN HARPER (NOW)! PUT HIM IN LEFT OR AT FIRST BASE-DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER!!!
KEEP MIGGY AT 3RD.
HOPE THE MIGHTY COOP CAN TRADE FOR KLUBER, OR BUMGARNER.
BETTER SIGN BRITTON OR MILLER. (WE REALLY CAN'T AFFORD TO LOSE BOTH D-RO AND BRITTON).
DO THOSE THINGS, AND I SAY, WE SHOULD BE READY TO GO TO WAR.
I agree with ALL CAPS that "IT COULD TAKE A HARDCOVER BOOK, TO DEFINE HIS DISASTROUS DEALS, SIGNINGS, PLAYER RELEASES, AND HIS LACK OF VISION TO PULL THE TRIGGER ON DEALS THAT COULD HAVE TAKEN US TO THE PROMISED LAND. (CLIFF LEE, JUSTIN VERLANDER, AND WHO KNOWS HOW MANY OTHERS)."
ReplyDeleteBut he made some good trades as well. (and some good FA signings such as El Duque (The actual, Hideki, tanaka, mussina etc. )
So in addition to what ALL CAPS said about the good ones. Let me add...
A-Rod for Soriano (and a ton of money!) The resigning not so much. But the original deal was insanely good.
Bobby Abreu for C.J. Henry, pitchers Matt Smith and Carlos Monasterios, and catcher Jesus Sanchez.
David Justice for Ricky Ledee
Getting Kerry Wood for I forget.
Doug K.
The past is past, and sadly the present isn't past yet.
ReplyDeleteThe future isn't rosy, unless you count Rosie O'Donnell, and that's not much of a future. Better when we put that in the past.
Because the past has sucked since 2001, with one little tiny glimmer in 2009. But the rest has sucked, sucked, sucked, sucked, sucked worse, sucked worse than that, sucked even worse than that, and sucked when it counted.
Cashman and George and Torre were handed a team that was pretty much there already. And once that team started to age, disintegrate, move along, and retire, we've gone downhill. The Trio of Good Fortune have never been able to get it back except for 2009, the year Andy came back, CC and Tex arrived and A-Rod hit for the only time in his postseason career. And then it was back to sucking.
So we can debate all of the stupid and genius trades Cashman has made for the past 17 years, whether Torre and Binders and now the Bane of Boone were any good, but one thing is clear: we don't win a ring. Period. (That one freak year aside.)
And that, ladies and gents, is the only thing that matters. From the looks of it, we won't win one in 2019, either. Probably not for a good while. If I'm lucky, I'll catch the next Series win from my portable La-Z-Boy, unable to recall what it is I'm watching and why the TV is even on, my drool cup spillething over.
If Hal was too cheap to go the extra to bring Corbin or Eovadi in jeeez, I just can't imagine theres any chance of Harper or Machodo getting signed. That's a bad plan B at best anyway. Whoever said it was a terrible Hotstove season hit the nail on the head. The Paxton deal was bad enough and now to snooze on the two best free agent pitchers is inexcusable IMHO. Now it will be nothing but damage control moves.
ReplyDeleteJohn M,
ReplyDeleteAll too true.
David P,
And how often does damage control do still more damage? And now they will overpay for lesser players. Why not just pony up to begin with and get the right guys?
As a side note I'm good with the Paxton deal although what do I know? I was good with the Sonny Gray deal.
Doug K.
I don't think we've gained ground, but you complain when they sign free agents to big contracts and then you complain when they are cautious. You're hard to please.
ReplyDeleteDOUG K...
ReplyDeleteYES, I AGREE WITH DAVID JUSTICE FOR LEDEE.
ADD IT TO THE SHORT LIST OF COOP'S COUP'S.
Bennyboy, your last line is a bit of a reductionist, black or white, stark contrast type of straw man argument. I don't think Duque always complains at big agent signings, nor is he - and by extension, all of us - complaining when "they are cautious." I think what we lack on the Yankees these days is intelligence, forethought, solid baseball knowledge and a bit of imagination when it comes to player acquisition and development.
ReplyDeleteThere is a time to keep one's powder dry and be cautious. There is a time to be bold and splurge. What Duque and most of here have come to believe is that the "management" are making bad moves - being cautious when they should not be and, when do do make big moves, making the WRONG big moves. What is lacking is some smarts in the details, as well as an overall plan. It seemed - for a nano-second last year - that we were actually rebuilding from within and possibly biding our time until THIS hot stove session to make a big splash. Instead, we were rash, made some short term rentals, dumped some quality kids, and somehow have now ended up looking around during this game of musical shit chairs and being the only guys who are still standing up. And not only are we standing up, but our pants are down. And not only are our pants down, but we are bent over and Boston is waving its Louisville Slugger in our direction. And not only...you get the idea.
We are idiots. We don't know what we are doing. The moves we make are not based on good thinking, planning or scouting, but on the gut feeling of a pea-brained idiot who backs up his bullshit hunches with bullshit numbers.
And you know what? George Steinbrenner was hard to please, as well, and that's why we won. There's nothing wrong with having high standards.
I think that's a fantastic summing up, 13bit, and I think a lot of these posts here have been right on.
ReplyDeleteI'd say that most of us here are not unreasonable, and we realize that some things just don't work out.
For instance, I would say that grabbing Vazquez THE FIRST TIME was a good idea that didn't work out when he had arm trouble. But too often, the trades and signings are just downright foolishness that we can see will never work right from the beginning (such as bringing in Vazquez THE SECOND TIME).
As John M. states, Cashman was handed a juggernaut, THE greatest team ever assembled, IMHO, with a foundation that would prove incredibly durable. The Core of Four were good for another 13-14 years or so, and Bernie and several others, good for the next 3-8.
He also had an advantage unmatched in American sports history. He had an owner ready, willing, and able to spend buckets of cash on anybody just to win—AT A TIME WHEN NOBODY ELSE WAS WILLING TO DO THAT.
Again and again, though, Coops failed to add to all he had received. There was a constant neglect of getting decent role players and back-ups, either for the bench or the bullpen. A constant overrating of declining or oft-injured ballplayers based on past performance (I'm looking at you, Raul Mondesi Brian McCann Kevin Brown Jacoby Ellsbury Carl Pavano Tony Womack, etc., etc., etc.).
A constant refusal to recognize that Boston was often our only real rival in the AL and act accordingly (Had the Yanks acquired EITHER Manny Ramirez or David Ortiz—the second of whom even the Mad King wanted to get—the Red Sox dynasty would have been stillborn.)
Finally, a general failure to run a good farm system for any sustained length of time. For almost all of Coops' long and dreary reign, the farm system was in complete disarray. When it finally came together in recent years—due in good part, let's give him his props, to a few astute Coops deals—Cashman immediately began peddling away all sort of promising young prospects for rentals or marginal veterans, and everyone else started backsliding.
So we are left with signing big free agents. I, for one, have NEVER been against that philosophically. But I am willing to acknowledge that the New MLB Rules to Restore the Cartel—with draft picks forfeited and crazy taxes for excessive spending—might give us pause.
But now, happy day, our temporary freedom from those rules has coincided with the freedom of the youngest, big deal free agents EVER.
And we are being told...our free-spending days are over. Sit back, relax, and enjoy 5-10 years (maybe less) of being in contention for one of the two wild card spots, while your bitter rival eats your lunch and celebrates on your field every season.
But don't worry. I'm sure you'll be able to pick up a good MLS game just down the road,
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