Soon, everything is going to happen, all at once... but not today

Okay, listenup, everybody: Sometime late next week - I'm guessing Friday - Manny Machado is going to announce his decision, unleashing a wave of change upon humanity.

Once Manny decides where he'll play next year, the juju gods will call the cards on the future of the Yankees, the U.S. government shutdown, the crazy stock market, the Mueller probe, the wall, Brexit, Syria, Greta Van Fleet, Harvey Weinstein, who drilled that hole in the Russian space station, the polar caps, the volcanoes, the earthquakes, Insta-Pots - everything! everything! EVERYTHING! - that is, except for Eli fucking Manning, who shalt remain quarterback throughout eternity for the hopeless New York Giants.

Once Machado - baseball's Hamlet on the Hudson - makes his decision between chasing material possessions (Philadelphia money) or pure, uplifting spiritual joy (playing for the lovable Yankees), the cosmic dominoes will fall. 

I'm fine with whatever Manny chooses. 

If he comes to New York, it means he has chosen the Yankee tradition; he wants to ride down the Canyon of Heroes, he wants to hear his name chanted in the pregame bleacher call, he wants to be mocked, savaged and personally attacked on this site, whenever he goes 0-for-3. And if he chooses Phily, or Chicago, or East Schunk, so be it. He can go there and rot. I will lead everyone in a joyous chant that the Manny grapes were always sour.

Once Manny chooses, the planet's magnetic poles will rearrange, unleashing tectonic events that strain the imagination. (My guess is that a certain Hollywood power couple - not naming names here - will call it quits!) Once the music stops, the remaining teams will scramble after Bryce Harper. 

At that point, Hal Steinbrenner will show himself as either an owner willing to spend money to save his family's tradition, or a miserly scumbag who finishes second in every auction, always talking the talk, while secretly draining the coffers dry. We will soon know.

Soon, folks, everything is going to happen. But not today. 

And, on that note, I've nothing more to say.