The waiters and the hangers-on say Manny is coming to the Yankees

In a drought, this is what passes for a Yankee headline.

And this.

And this.

What if Manny Machado's friend dressed up as Bryce Harper and fooled a waiter into thinking that Sonny Gray was staying with the Yankees?

Now, that would be news.

Today, maybe someone will find a piece of toast that shows Manny in a Yankee hat, or the news will break that Greg Bird's dog has ringworm. That's the kind of news cycle we are now inhabiting.

Soon, all will be revealed. We must maintain every ounce of outrage, bile, venom, hysterical glee, delight and phlegm that we can muster. We will soon be called upon to spew.