Wednesday, February 27, 2019

The Yankee ownership con about signing Nolan Arenado next winter didn't even last through this spring

The way that Bryce Harper continues to twist in the pungent Phily breeze, it's abundantly clear that the Yankees could sign him in a New York nanosecond, if they merely decided to spend some of Hal Steinbrenner's nearly infinite supply of money, which is currently being stacked to the moon.

By now, we've all heard the righteous and knowledgeable Gammonite arguments for not signing Harper - it would relegate Brett Gardner to fourth OF, and good grief, money doesn't grow on trees! But the Yankees are worth $4 billion, according to Forbes, and that's not counting Hal's partial ownership of the YES Network, which might be worth even more. At that point, this isn't about money. At the super-quantum level, it's about power and penis, magnetic forces that nobody, aside from psychotic street people, ever fully understand.  

Harper would instantly vault the Yankees into a legendary status, one of the most feared batting orders in history, and yet Hal wouldn't feel a financial tick bite. But obviously, the folks most terrified by the image of Harper in pinstripes happen to work in the Yankee front office. The result: He's not coming to the Yankees. This is not some crafty, last-second Trumpian strategy to wheedle down his price tag. Growing up, all Harper ever talked about was playing for the Yankees someday, but when he finally came of age, that team no longer exists. 

But today, we should note that another rotted plank has given way in the modern Yankee con game. Throughout the recent Manny Machado negotiations - in which the Yankees hid under the bed, covered their ears and chanted "LALALALA..." - it was often whispered that by ignoring Manny, the team would set itself up cleverly for Nolan Arenado, when he became a free agent next winter. Some Hal-friendly Gammonites, happily willing to carry the master's water, suggested that it was Arenado whom the Yankees secretly coveted, so all us stupid, angry, spoiled fans should cease our pathetic whining and start planning for the future - with that rising young 3B on his way from Colorado! Don't stop thinkin' about tomorrow! 

Well, yesterday, Arenado signed an eight-year deal for $260 million, meaning that he'll stay with the Rockies until he's old and worthless, when they trade him to the Yankees for Ryan McBroom. And throughout that epic geological process, the knowledgeable sportswriters will again ridicule us as ignorant and - well, deplorable? - because we remember a time when the owner put championships over the bottom line. 

Not trying to rewrite history here: Old George was far from perfect. But damn, he sure hated to lose. And some of us can recall when the Yankees were the premier organization in American professional sports, instead of a team riding on a reputation nearly 20 years withered. We are now America's wild card! 

So... wipe Arenado off the Yankee con list. They can't point to him - as they did to Machado and Harper for the last year - and say they're saving dimes to fortify the future. They'll have to find somebody else. And meanwhile, Harper fidgets over whether the Dodgers can save him from a life in Philadelphia, his views described so eloquently on the tombstone of W.C. Fields. Ah, but the Yankees can't afford another outfielder. We don't want to block McBroom!

14 comments:

  1. (ROWDY APPLAUSE) AMEN, DUQUE!!!

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  2. True Dat. Seriously.

    Doug K.

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  3. Duque...fighting the Gammonites and other forces of evil for TRUTH, JUSTICE AND THE AMERICAN WAY!!!

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  4. I hate the Gammonites. I hate Hal. I hate Cashman. I despise Rothschild. I think Boone is a moron.

    The clubhouse boy is a gem.

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  5. Nah, they never wanted Arenado. They are obviously waiting to break the bank for Trout and/or Mookie in 2021. At least this is what the next couple of years of Yanks news reporting will be going on and on about.

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  6. Oh I get it now. Hal is cheap, Cashman is an idiot, Boone sucks, the Yankees are worth big bucks. It only took six months of seeing the same thing on this site. I guess I must be slow.

    Tedious, boys!

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  7. It only took six months of seeing the same thing on this site. I guess I must be slow.

    Tedious, boys!


    Tedious comments about tedious comments are . . . .
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    wait for it
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    tedious!

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  8. if that took six months, dude.. you're slower than the average bear, for sure.

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  9. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  10. Duque...you hit the nail squarely on the head!

    By the way, the anonymous slow learner is none other than Jennifer "Manhands" Steinbrenner/Swindal/Molloy/Lopez protecting her younger brother.

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  11. Safe to say Chance Adams is another failed prospect. Could have traded him for Cole.

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  12. Wow, if even the sabermetrics punx are wising up...the apocalypse must be at hand. Quick, everybody, go hide under something solid!!

    Right on, duque - - and bravo, John M! LB (No J)

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