Whoomp, there it is, Yankees fans.
The two best, young free agents in the history of un-bondaged baseball labor, gone off to sign with teams in San Diego and Philadelphia—teams that have mascots, for cryin' out loud—and not even a Yankees bid on either one.
It's over.
Time to go home and put on that scratchy old record of Cat Stevens' "Wild World" that you first played when you broke up with that girl in seventh grade.
Now that I've lost everything to you
You say you want to start something new
And it's breakin' my heart you're leavin'—
Hey, we'll get over it, just as we did back then. A little quiet sobbing up in the bedroom, Mom leaving a plate of cookies just outside your door. Dad taking you to the ballgame that Saturday. You knew it was gonna be all right.
So will this. It's just the new order of sports. Hell, we've seen it all. We rooted for the New York Knicks.
But I want to be clear: this ain't my New York Yankees, anymore.
My Yankees came into existence when the colonels bought the team. Before that, they were an interesting little ball club, owned by two of the most colorful and corrupt men in New York City history.
I don't hold that against them. Frank Farrell and Big Bill Devery wanted the original Yankees to win all right—just not enough to NOT do things such as rent out their home field, Hilltop Park, to a Columbia-Williams football game at the climax of a heated pennant race. With the Red Sox.
And that's where we're back to. Hal and the Family Steinbrenner want to win, all right. Just not enough. Not if trying to do so risks, in any way, even the smallest percentage of their money.
For 104 years, this team was owned by some of the coldest, most ruthless men in baseball, including Old George, the Mad King.
They didn't always make the best decisions—especially old George. They were tyrants, and fools, and even racists. Pretty bad.
But...they were genuinely trying to win. Always. That was their priority.
Were they trying to make lots of money? Absolutely! But rightly or wrongly, they thought they would do that by winning first.
Not anymore.
Call them whatever you want. Call them, as I think somebody suggested, the Bronx Halligators. I'm jiggy with that. I'll even watch them play, and hope they beat the Red Sox.
But let's not kid ourselves. These are not Our New York Yankees, anymore. This is not a team going all out to win.
But if you wanna leave take good care
Hope you make a lotta nice friends out there
But just remember there's a lot of bad and beware—
Hal is cold-blooded, like a reptile. Halligator is a perfect moniker. I dare him to show his face at The Stadium during a game. Do it, Hal. Let the fans show you what they think. Be a man.
ReplyDeleteBut...but...but...we signed Happ and Zach! We got Paxton and Octavius! We got Tulo and DJ Puffenstuff! And all of that on a team that won 100 GAMES last year!!
ReplyDeleteBy gum, what do we have to do to make you dadburned fans happy??!?!?!
Yeah, fuck off, Michael Kay, and the front office you rode in on.
Hoss,
ReplyDeleteOnce again you and Cat Stevens have nailed it. But as Cat taketh away he also givith.
Perhaps we can take his advice on how to deal with this loss of the team we've followed for so long.
If I laugh just a little bit
Maybe I can recall the way
That I used to be, before you
And sleep at night - and dream
If I laugh, baby if I laugh
Just a little bit -
Then again, I'm not sure we should listen to him. He was kind of a loon. The guy thought he was being followed by a moonshadow for G-d’s sake. A moonshadow. Moonshadow.
Doug K.
On my death certificate it reads 2017.
ReplyDeleteYusuf Islam was a good citable choice by Horace. But there are also other lyrics by Cat Stevens that describe Hal's relationship with his autocratic father George and why he doesn't care about the team other than as a source of high income.
ReplyDeleteHow can I try to explain, when I do he turns away again
It's always been the same, same old story
From the moment I could talk I was ordered to listen
HOSS NAILS IT...
ReplyDeleteFUNNY STUFF ALL AROUND.
JOHN M. [DJ PUFFENSTUFF]..HAHA!
CARL WITH THE DEATH CERTIFICATE..
KD - HALLIGATOR "REPTILE"
GREAT CHUCKLES ALL AROUND FOLLOWED BY THE ALWAYS REASONABLE DOUG K. PUTTING A BOW ON IT ALL.
THIS SITE IS AMAZING.
THIS SITE IS HOME.
Agree, ALL-CAPS, this site is home. Here is where we get to be Cubs fans and reminisce about the old days.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Hoss.
Brian is a moron and Hal does not care.Brian is a moron and Hal does not care.Brian is a moron and Hal does not care.Brian is a moron and Hal does not care.Brian is a moron and Hal does not care.Brian is a moron and Hal does not care.
Brian is a moron and Hal does not care.Brian is a moron and Hal does not care.Brian is a moron and Hal does not care.Brian is a moron and Hal does not care.Brian is a moron and Hal does not care.Brian is a moron and Hal does not care.Brian is a moron and Hal does not care.Brian is a moron and Hal does not care.Brian is a moron and Hal does not care.Brian is a moron and Hal does not care.Brian is a moron and Hal does not care.Brian is a moron and Hal does not care.Brian is a moron and Hal does not care.Brian is a moron and Hal does not care.Brian is a moron and Hal does not care.Brian is a moron and Hal does not care.Brian is a moron and Hal does not care.Brian is a moron and Hal does not care.Brian is a moron and Hal does not care.
This is a great obit.
ReplyDeleteBut can it change us? Should it? How?
My fear; I won't give a shit when they lose.
If they lose enough this season, in spectacular fashion, do you think there's a chance it would spell the end of the Cash/Rothschild/Boooney regime? That would be the only silver lining here.
ReplyDeleteOk.... I still think the Yanks are a bunch of cheap muthaf***as BUT after watching Texiera grind his Avg to non existence after his stubborn refusal hit oppo field. Ive watched Harper a few times and feel he's been headed that direction the past few yrs albeit in a more exciting way. The shift has been Killin him too... We don't need any more overpaid bitches to scream at after ever dp during the season.
ReplyDeleteJoe F., you're absolutely right. There is absolutely no guarantee that Harper or Manny will live up to their potential. Both are flawed ballplayers, and as a great man once said, there's no predicting ballplayers.
ReplyDeleteBut if that happened, I would say, Aw, bad luck!
Also, if they had some real, alternative plan—'We decided to put all our money into Nathan Eovaldi instead"—I might criticize the hell out of it, and rant and rave in my generally juvenile fashion.
But I would at least respect it to the extent of, "Well, they have a plan. It's a bad plan, but it's a plan, a good faith effort."
This ain't that. This is just money-grubbing.
Along with the still haunting "Wild World," Cat Stevens gave us some of the most annoying and puerile songs of the modern era, such as the completely banal, "If You Wanna Sing Out, Sing Out."
ReplyDeleteWhich can be adopted into a nice tribute to Hal:
"And if you wanna fuck us, fuck us
And if you wanna screw Dad, screw Dad
There's a billion bucks you can steal
You know that there are
(You know that there are.)
The opportunity's there
You never have to care
And you make us feel bad each day
The way that you did
(The way that you did)
Before your dad was dead
(Before your dad was dead.).
Oh oh ah ah
Yeah, yeah
Feed them rat turds
Oh oh ah ah
Oh, Hal!
There's a billion bucks to steal
You know that there are..."
Right on once again, Hoss - - and bitty, IF ONLY... LB (No J)
ReplyDelete